had an interesting experience last night. W came home while i was cleaning up, putting groceries away,etc. Anyway we started talking about our days while she was preparing diner. I asked her if she wanted me to light the grill and she said yes.
When i came back in, she indicated that the whole meal could be cooked on the grill (i had fixed the salad when i got home) and that it could be put on low and then we could go upstairs. I said why? ( my mind was somewhere else) and she said cause she was horney.
I remember part of me saying "do i really want to do this?" then the physicall part of me took over.
We were teasing each other a little when we were down in the kitchen and i started to rub her a bit. She said "you'd better stop that or what you want to happen may not happen the way you want. it sounded to me that she wanted to take her time.
So we went upstairs and i could tell there wasn't gpoing to be any FP: she climbed on top and wanted me to help her move faster. i said i was just enjoying the moment. So 10 sec later she grinned and said so is the moment over? she did this 3 times in about 40 sec.
so we finished, i was exhausted and just lay there feeling the emotions wash over me. she said thank you very much i responded: my pleasure and she got out of bed and put on her jeans and said the dinner was probably burning.
as i looked over i had a strange negative thought that"the only missing was an exchange of money."
she did fondle me in attempt to get me to the end faster.
So am i being over sensitive?? Sometimes it feels almost degrading...
I know it probably wasn't how you wanted it to be. But it's possible she's working on heading the right direction. I mean, it doesn't sound like it was completely unenjoyable, was it? She did think of you, and she did initiate. I would view it as a positive step, even if it wasn't exactly what you had in mind.
Is it possible that you could suggest to her (after something like that) when you are both feeling really good that the next time you'd like to be able to take your time? But also, let her know you appreciate what she did.
It's an approach I use with my LDH. It seems that after we ML he's open to suggestions like that.
SRV, Perhaps there was nothing malicious in her intent and she just wanted to f*ck. Sometimes you're in the mood to ML and take your time and others you just want fast and furious.
It sounded to me like you two just were not in sync as far as what style of ML sounded good to you at the moment. I would try not to read anything more into it than that.
Unless you are saying that it's ALWAYS like that. In that case, yes, I would find that unfulfilling and cheap. I also wouldn't want someone taking Progress Reports every 10 seconds to guage how it was going. It might be, though, that you two are discovering each other's sexuality and what makes you tick.
Why don't you initiate the next time and let her know that you are in the mood for a longer session?
I am not familiar with your sitch, but I think what your W did was really hot! It would take a lot for me to pull off an initiation like that..she felt safe and comfortable with you to " go for it." It is about you. Sometimes it's nice just to take the emotional connection for granted and go for fun, physical sex! If your wife is the LD partner, she may be thrilled that she felt so aroused and just went with it. This may be a good starting point to develop the kind of fulfilling intimacy that you are looking for.
Quote: So am i being over sensitive?? Sometimes it feels almost degrading...
How rude! How insensitive! In all of my nineteen years of marriage, my wife has never degraded me in such a fasion. Oh, how I wish she would.
I must stop reading this bored. I am having difficulty maintaining empathy for people who are complaining about the quality of the sex that they are getting. I guess this is my hang-up, since I get nothing at all. I shouldn't diparage your greivance by pointing out that some of us would gladly trade situations with you. It's just not constructive, and I apologize for my attitude.
Your wife got horny and ripped one off. You, apparently, got your rocks off too. So it wasn't great, but it wasn't bad, really. Tell your wife how great it was, how hot she is, and how much you are looking forward to the next sexy outing. I would not allow one iota of negativity to creep in. You might end up killing what little desire there is. There is an ember. Blow on it. Don't spit on it.
I'm going to look for a web bored for people who never have sex.
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
Damn, after ripping him in a post a few minutes ago, now I have to agree (to an extent) with Solidmechanic,
I think in a healthy sexual relationship (lemme know if any one here has found one..), there is room for a hot and bothered quickie in addition to a long night of passionate sex. I wouldn’t discourage the behaviour, especially if she is low frequency, if for no other reason than to keep the encouragement of a sexual relationship going.
Question is can you ‘parlay’ this experience into a more satisfying one?
So i should settle for a quarter loaf and be happy.... the fact that you are having difficulty being empathetic for people who are willing to talk about the quality of their sex in an effort to understand it says everything about you and nothing about us.
you sound resentful. I think your resentment is misplaced since i haven't done anything to you.
in case you're interested this is her modus operandi always. the environment is always arranged to limit the amount of emotional contact. (if you're interested read Schnarch's Passionate Marriage with respect to the pushing and shoving that goes on and is played out in FP.
by the way, i don't know how much or little sex you have: i've gone 2 months without anything (at times) so i do know a little bit how you feel. Amazing what you can survive when you have to ain't it??
I didn't realize that this was the way she ALWAYS goes about this. So you may have to fogive those of us who missed that post :-) To those of us who RARELY if ever have sex...who didn't realize that was the situation...it could appear you were complaining about something that almost never happens for us LOL. Can't really blame some of us for being jealous that you're actually getting some...when we're literally starving now can you?
Now...since this is always the way she goes about sex, you have a different problem on your hands. Now I can understand why you aren't satisfied. What does she say when you tell her you want to take your time?
You story reminds me of the time I asked my wife if she would go on a date with me. She said yes, she wanted to see a movie, one that I absolutely did not want to see. I'm as particular about my choice of movies as I am about my LM styles. Maybe more so, when was the last time you ML for two solid hours? So I held onto myself, but I didn't get a date with my W.
I'm with you. My W did relent and agree to a quickie about 4 years ago, and even at the time I felt cheated. Now that that LM session may live on as our last, I felt even worse.
That having been said, I would say enjoy the ride, and, try to have other times of closeness. I wish you well.
So I held onto myself, but I didn't get a date with my W.