Quote: I'm just scared, Pam. Scared that if I let go of worrying and working and fixing and if I really turn my face toward the future that I'm going to get the rug pulled out from under me. what if I do throw caution to the wind and embrace this life and it just goes away? I know it may be making people mad to read this...what the hell else do I WANT above what I have been granted?
Ah, Sage - it's just the same old same old - we WANT that feeling back of complete safety and security in our marriages, even though we now realize that it wasn't ever true anyway, that that kind of guarantee of safety is a fairy tale that never really exists - after all, even the most devoted spouse could get hit by a truck one day.
And I'm sure that rereading all the old stuff, while instructive and even nostalgic, probably brings back to the surface a lot of painful memories too. (I've always lamented the fact that my earliest threads got erased by a computer glitch, but maybe it's just as well that now they start with reconciliation.)
I find, for me, that I do better when I'm getting what I need from my H, and worse when he starts to drift off, even though it is unrelated to me and our R. So don't be afraid to simply make sure your H knows what you want and need from him.
