Quote: When I get my W back...should I get her the 5LL and the Relationship Cure by Gottman? I hear your comments about the KLA tapes.
Wonka, I really think that taking it VERY SLOWLY when w returns is your best bet...and that includes not "pursuing" her by giving her "helpful" books. Not only can it come off as pursuing or pressuring, it can also come off as criticism.
I know well the desire to "educate" our Ses on all that we've "learned" I finally figured out that it's not actually necessary or even helpful...in fact, it can backfire big time. Your sitch may well be different but what's worked well for me has been to respect my h's way of "learning" things (not by a book!) and using what I know from my reading to perform actions that encourage change for both of us.
For example...use the 5 LLs to speak w's language and to encourage her to speak yours w/o handing her the book..etc.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Thanks for the visits and well wishes! I'm still feeling under the weather but I can definitely sense that I am getting better. The aches are gone and have given way to a persistent cough -- an OK trade in my book! h is still much sicker than I am ... diagnosed with bronchitis yesterday so he's on some medication now. I think this has taken a lot out of him.
Amazingly enough he's still been very loving, positive and caring about MY health (even though last night he apologized for being distant which I hadn't felt from him at all!). when I got home last night he gave me an amazing kiss (not even just amazing for a sick man!). I went out and got some take out and we hung out watching tv (an old movie that I have to admit confused me more than a little! my brain is addled!).
Lots of schoolwork on my plate for this weekend but the end is in sight! classes are over 12/6 and don't resume (ahem, my LAST semester!) until 1/26. AMAZING!!!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
It was a pretty quiet weekend since we're both sick. I have my fingers crossed that we're on the upswing (we gotta be 'cause I can't take much more coughing!)
h went back to school today for the first time in a while. I'm very glad the week is short. Thanksgiving and the day after I'm spending time with my mother which would be giving me fits if I had more energy. Now it just feels sort of amusing in a not-at-all-amusing kind of way.
School is over soon! Got a big deliverable (business plan) to hand in a week from today and then a presentation the week after that 12/6. Then, I do believe, I have 2 more classes 'til graduation! h has something planned for the weekend after I graduate (may 05) which is pretty much the sweetest thing.
He's been very kind and loving especially of late. amazing considering that he's not feeling well either! I like the mellow feel of life right now.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Can I raid your thread and ask that you please head over to mine for some really "sage" advice on a recent development in my sitch! It is in the newcomer's section...Determinted & Steadfast II.
Wonka, I'll try to get to your thread. I noticed that Ellie's over there so how much could I add??
********** Still feeling cruddy today. If possible, I actually feel worse. Cough, some just overall aches, blah, blah, blah. I had school last night but left halfway thru. Got home around 9 or so and watched football with h until 10:30. Went to bed and tossed and turned and coughed for hours.
h was great. He brought me water and medicine, came to check on me a couple of times, etc. He's being very sweet especially since he's not feeling so hot himself!
I slept a bit longer than usual this AM but came into work. I don't have too many meetings so that helps. I'm taking a half day tomorrow to have an afternoon "date" with h. He planned it which I love.
So, why am I feeling so crappy emotionally? I'm bristley and sad and mad and arrgh! I cried all the way home from school last night just because. I felt myself distancing from him this AM -- a la feeling leery and scared and self-protective. I don't know...my senses are on overlaod and I'm not liking what I'm feeling.
I'm sure it's mostly being sick and feeling tired. The holidays screw me up, too, especially since I'm staring down spending a few days with my mother. Oh, yah, not sleeping well and a lack of exercise to add to the mix.
Note to self...relax, get better and NO crazymaking!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: I'm sure it's mostly being sick and feeling tired.
Quote: Note to self...relax, get better and NO crazymaking!
Just to help you remember!
Being sick or tired or both for me just throws everything out of whack!
Thought from friend T that has been in a wheelchair his whole life.
The good, the bad, the sad in our lives all make us the person we are and if we like who we are we shouldn't regret what made us the people we are today.
Thought that might help before spending time with family!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Sorry to see that you're still sick...and actually feeling worse. I hope that you feel better soon and am glad that you have H to give you all his support.
Quote: I'm sure it's mostly being sick and feeling tired. The holidays screw me up, too
Same here. I start feeling sad and a little depressed around the holidays. I actually do not like this time of year at all. When you add not feeling well physically to the mix...well, you have sad, sick, blue....just blah. It'll pass and you'll be back to your wonderfully positive self.
Just a reminder to myself since I'm feeling grumpy and might forget it..
had a great phone conversation with h. he was in the middle of taking the door off of a small fridge that we're putting out for pickup. I had reminded him about doing it last night but not this AM and I love that he remembered and took charge of getting it done! He also just called me and told me that he had called our cleaning service back (they had left a message) and taken care of the whole thing. This is AWESOME! A total departure from how things "used to be".
Also, h was very kind and loving and asked me if I was ok. I told him I wasn't -- that I was feeling very depressed about still being sick. he didn't recoil from that...was very positive (but validating!).
told me he loved me a couple of times, too.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: Also, h was very kind and loving and asked me if I was ok. I told him I wasn't -- that I was feeling very depressed about still being sick. he didn't recoil from that...was very positive (but validating!).
told me he loved me a couple of times, too.
LOTS AND LOTS to be thankful for this THANKSGIVING!!!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I finally figured out that it's not actually necessary or even helpful...in fact, it can backfire big time. Your sitch may well be different but what's worked well for me has been to respect my h's way of "learning" things (not by a book!) and using what I know from my reading to perform actions that encourage change for both of us.
