Looking backward...but only to move forward

[sage]

When I get my W back...should I get her the 5LL and the Relationship Cure by Gottman? I hear your comments about the KLA tapes.

Wonka, I really think that taking it VERY SLOWLY when w returns is your best bet...and that includes not "pursuing" her by giving her "helpful" books. Not only can it come off as pursuing or pressuring, it can also come off as criticism.

I know well the desire to "educate" our Ses on all that we've "learned" I finally figured out that it's not actually necessary or even helpful...in fact, it can backfire big time. Your sitch may well be different but what's worked well for me has been to respect my h's way of "learning" things (not by a book!) and using what I know from my reading to perform actions that encourage change for both of us.

For example...use the 5 LLs to speak w's language and to encourage her to speak yours w/o handing her the book..etc.

Sage