Looking backward...but only to move forward

[sage]

I met h for dinner. He was completely pumped up after his interview, said it went super well. I've got my fingers and toes crossed that he gets this fellowship!!!

We had a really nice time. I'm not sure why but throughout dinner and the rest of the night (hey, into this AM!), h was VERY verbally reaffirming of me, how I've been dealing with his illness, etc. Give the last few lines of my last post it was like he was reading my mind about reassurance! He told me that I had been doing SO GREAT about taking care of him. I told him that sometimes I'm not sure how comforting to be...I don't want to smother him. He said that he likes my comforting and appreciates the fact that I'm OK with his responses...not getting hung up if he's down or quiet or moody or downight depressed over being sick. He's been sleeping in the guest room the last few nights due to his coughing and he asked me if that upset me. I told him that last year and the year before I really personalized it when he slept in the other room but this year I realized how important it is that he just GET WELL SOONER and that I knew it wasn't him trying to get away from me. Good stuff.

I think one of the reasons why I struggle with the R when he's sick is because he gets depressed which mimics the crappiness/depression that was around when the bomb was dropping. I feel him pull away a bit and then my mind starts freaking out. But hey, I've been working on THIS for a good long time, no? So I should be getting better at depersonalizing!!!

I definitely have a much milder version of what he has. Mostly a sore throat and aches for me right now. He's still home from school, though, coughing his lungs up

Got a reasonably stress free day at work today then a haircut tonight. Rest of the week actually looks pretty good!

Sage