Bestey -- stopped by your thread this AM as always and was delighted to see the discussion on validating. I'm glad my somewhat confusing mention of feeling like I may be invalidating to h when he's sick added to your thoughts...it's a good reminder to me, too, because while I feel like I did OK last night, I'm not sure I was able to completely "let him be as he is". I think so much of it has to do with MY discomfort of not knowing what the right thing is to do and so I'm hoping he'll hurry up and get back into healthy h mode! Actually, this could be said about other times, too (like, when he's pulled back a bit) -- hey, this is GOOD! I can practice my validating even MORE when I'm feeling uncomfortable about the status quo of the sitch!
Pam -- at some point along the way I decided that writing OW in capital letters was raising her too high in the importance scale. I switched to ow (lower case) to remind myself that despite appearances to the contrary, she was NOT the important area to focus on -- strengthening me and my M was. Just a mental trick to keep my brain thinking in the right direction.
**************** So...did so-so last night. I had acupuncture so I left work early. Stopped at the drugstore and picked up some medicine for h, then went to pick us up some soup and sandwiches for dinner. The first place I went to was closed so I had to go somewhere else which really delayed me so I called h and let him know I was running late. He was fine about that. I also stopped on the way home at the video store and picked up two movies in case h was in the mood to watch something.
The soup and sandwiches went over well. I did OK with not asking h if he was "feeling better" choosing instead to ask "how are you feeling"? Even THAT may be too probing, actually...so I need to watch that.
We watched "Jersey Girl" which was OK -- funny in spots, I think. I'd give it 1.5 stars (I'm a tough critic!). At one point during the movie h said "this is a laugh riot" really sarcastically which I have to admit bugged me/hurt my feelings (PERSONALIZATION!!). I responded with "oh, I like it but we don't have to finish watching it if you don't want" but he said we should finish it. yah, ok.
I have to admit that h seemed a bit distant (OK, he feels like crap!!!) or was it me? I think it was my insecurity about not knowing how to handle the sitch combined with feeling like maybe h was being off...mostly it's just me getting stuck in crappy cheeseless tunnels...(for example..it seemed like h was on the phone when I got home but I'm not sure...and he didn't mention it so my "what the heck is going on" radar was up...arrgh). Anyway...turns out I bought the right medicine (funnily enough, h had left me a message asking me to get the very stuff I bought but I didn't get the message because I had already left work but bought it anyway!). I was also feeling a little bummed because I sent him an e-card which I know he picked up but he didn't mention it. Ah, well, the trap of expectations!!!
Anyway...gonna work on validating and cutting him some slack...I'm leaving work early today to go help out sis with her kids so that should be fun.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
