Looking backward...but only to move forward

[sage]

My H does not show any signs of affection. I try to lovingly touch his back or stroke his hair to let him know that I am okay with it. He doesn’t pull away like he used to but he doesn’t seem to really like it either.

Hmmm...maybe experiment with backing off on this a little? letting him initiate it? I think that physical touch can feel like pursuing to the WAS if the LBS is the one who always initiates it...what happens if you remain warm and open but don't actually touch him?

Also, we haven’t been doing too many one on one activities- my parents suggested that we take in a movie while they watched S and he didn’t seem interested. How long did it take your H to become more interested after he broke off with OW?

So...he didn't seem "interested" or he said he wasn't going??? Two different things IMHO...

IOW, Michele points out in the book that sometimes you've just got to DO STUFF to get the positive feelings back...I think that going to movies, taking walks, hiking, etc, even when we didn't feel "coupley" really helped us. The key is to do it with NO EXPECTATIONS -- one way to do that is to think "I'm going out with my closest friend who is having a hard time but doesn't want to discuss it right now" -- it's amazing how hanging out together in a movie theater can be a real positive.

As for how long it took? there were ebbs and flows of comfort/interest/positiveness for months after bomb day...key is to weather the dips with as much equanimity as you can manage.

Sage