The way you describe your W is similar to how I'd describe mine. I don't know what to do either. I've read SSM and am reading PM... thinking about reading DR as a "last resort" to maintain my shrinking sanity. I'm making changes in me and suggesting changes to her (such as, "I think a personal C would be good for you" and "I think you should use the company gym when work stresses you out too much"). I'm doing tons of things around the house (laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc) to try to lessen her stress. All of these changes don't seem to matter. I'm "stuck."
So, what to do? 1) keep your mouth shut and resign yourself to the fact that this is probably the way the rest of your life will be? No. 2) make more personal changes and become a better person, all the while retreating into yourself and relying on yourself more, your W less? Maybe. 3) file D papers and see if W finally sees how serious you are? As a last resort, perhaps. 4) Constantly speak up about things that you dislike? Yes!
I am thinking of starting my next conversation with my W with the following question: "do you want to stay married?" Then I'll gauge W's reaction and go from there. This is about all I can do right now.
I hope you find something that works for you. Hang in there!
