I am just not myself anymore....I don't feel comfortable being in my skin right now. I am a huggy, affectionate person. I have always tried to open my eyes in the morning and see my cup as half full rather than half empty. Even when I was 19 with 4 kids under the age of 2, I still was a happy camper....harried but happy.
I have ALWAYS awakened my children in the morning with a big smile and a kind and loving "Good Morning"... when H and I got back together I was the same way..... always looked at him in the "o-dark thirty" hours , smiled said good morning, i love you and drive careful. I am still this way with my sons but I find myself so distraught and angered over the destruction in my marriage that I just can't even fake happy with my H.
I was AGAINST his retiring at this point and time...and when we discussed it ...he talked (lectured) me for hours ( yes hours) explaining HIS POV ..after hours I just said "do whatever you want". Now mind you that was with the assurance from him....that he could pull his paperwork at any point and time and reenlist.
WELL...now 6 months later when he is now seeing that retiring was not a good choice for us at this time... he went to pull his paperwork and lo and behold the AF has to many people in his rank so.... they will not allow him to reenlist..... you know force reduction stuff....
My changes are that I say the things I would like to have happen, not happen... buy not buy...etc etc etc.... after (lectures) about how my choices arent the right ones ..I give in and he gets what he wants.
HE always gets what he wants, when he wants it, how he wants it etc.
I know when all read this there will be many questions in regards to H's and my previous posts..... hopefully through diligence I will be able to explain things and people will be able to see things that I am obviously missing.
