NG and I had an interesting exchange over the weekend. My old assumptions used to be that if he was unfair to me, I should express my disappointment, otherwise how would he know? This often led to both of us 'sulking' and sometimes this went on for a couple of days, till I 'backed down' because I could not take the tension any longer - ergo not sticking to boundaries.
This time, instead of expressing disappointment, I just said 'NG, looks like you need some time, so I'm off for a bit' and just took off, did not come home for 5 hours. Had a ball window shopping. NG was fit to be tied when I cam home, spouting a load of 'expectations' and how we should be doing our own thing anyway.
Pre Mars and Venus, I'd have taken his words at face value. Now, I could see his FEAR - that he was not in control, could not see what I could have been doing for 5 hours, and that HIS unacceptable behaviour had direct consequences. And by validating his observations, and agreeing to a new approach to how we dealt with each other (his face saving tactic) the situation was diffused. Two days later, here we are, with a much more affectionate NG, and NONE of his threats of 'doing his own thing' materialising
A major turning point for me - I can alone change the dynamics. Yeah Slowly
