I've been mulling over this for a few days now, and still cannot get my arms around the issue. Until the bomb, I would never have considered myself to be of low self-esteem. But since then, and the way in which I have been handling myself, has made me question many of my perceptions.

Here is the biggest one that hits me in the face sometimes - why do I feel, deep down, that NG's betrayal is something I deserve, that it is the 'best' I could have expected in my love life I know it will take me a really long time to process out this one, and I suspect it has roots from a long, long time ago. It just may be more constructive to focus on the things that I can control for now. My goals are the same as Sage's - I'd like to apply dbing to myself, so that I am no longer a WA from me

Here are a couple of assumptions about myself, and my current clumsy attempt at turning them around:

1. Assumption - For me to be worthwhile as a human being, I should be the smartest, prettiest, wittiest, etc-est. Anything else is just a waste of life on earth

This has been the main driver behind the work-harder, keep going every waking minute, be ultra competitive person that I became. Being diagnosed as diabetec two years ago was my first wake up call that this approach to life was not right, and of course the bomb, when NG had an A with a woman who was older, shorter, less educated, less accomplished just made me crash into the wall of this assumption.

Turning this around seems to be a lot trickier than I expected. For starters, folks who have known me have now come to expect a lot - so it is a long process to re-establish my 'norms'. Personally, it is a constant mantra that I am OK as person just doing what I can, it does not have to be in the superlative scale. This is very much work in progress

More assumptions later. Gotta run to a meeting.
Slowly

A Liberal Allowance of Time