Well, folks, I had a flash of inspiration and figured out exactly how I wanted to express my thanks to H. So I emailed him and braced myself for his response. He loved it! He was quite pleased with my flowery praise of his virility, lol. Seriously, I did strike just the right balance--not too overbearing, definitely not vague, not too explicit.
And, Journey, that is exactly what I do. Sometimes it's in response to an actual rebuff, more often it's because he is not making any moves of his own and is quite content to not 'notice' me.
So we are right there on the same road, sista.
More journaling: One thing that has replayed in my mind from the 'rotten weekend' was that H, in a totally forlorn voice, said "I am so discouraged. You make me feel so discouraged and like I don't even want to try." Now it is not like my H to be melodramatic so I knew he was telling the truth. I am usually a cheerful and upbeat person. To hear the person in the world who is most precious to me say that I discourage him was devastating to me. It struck something in me and strengthened my resolve to NOT be this way any more. I want to ENcourage him but he, by his own admission, is the world's hardest person to praise. But he needs it and it is my job as his wife to figure out how I can deliver it. I have a hard time delivering it when our R is devoid of any fun and passion. I can't seem to consistently make the first move--I let my resentment and pride get in the way. Which is why I have been thinking (and re-thinking) the scheduled sex thing. If I could remove the "wondering" aspect from our daily routine, I wonder if it would free us both up to just enjoy each other? And if we were more at ease, I'm sure the flowery words would come easier and be easier for him to accept.
Resentment This is one of my ongoing struggles, as I would guess that it is with most women. For instance, yesterday I found myself getting irritable with my H for NO reason. As the irritation grew, my mind began racing and trying to 'attach' recent reasons for this feeling. I was looking (scrutinizing, really) at his behavior of the last week trying to figure out why I felt this way. IF I had looked hard enough, I'm sure I would have found something. Sad, huh. What I did instead was to get the hell out of the house. I can recognize that, at times, a good portion of my resentment is stemming from occupational hazards: boredom, exhaustion, stress, and loneliness. It worked. When I came home I felt much better. I need to do more of this when I feel bad feelings closing in on me. That's not to say that my resentment or anger never has any basis in reality--it most certainly does. But not always.
See there, fellas, I just broke the Female Code and admitted that resentment is oftentimes a bunch of bullsh*t reasons that we concoct to explain our hormonal craziness.
