SoCal, I know exactly what you mean. I HATE hurting my h and I hate even more knowing that I am discouraging him from trying.
I think there is a time and a place for encouraging words and cloaked language. When you are just starting the process is not it. At this point, I think she needs your honesty and, quite honestly, she deserves it.
After all, who are you protecting here? She is fumbling around, thinking she's doing great and you are intentionally keeping her in the dark and then blindsiding her with your dissatisfaction. How is that 'taking the hit'?
I'm not coming down on you cause I do the same stupid crapola, I'm just throwing out the other side of the equation.
And as far as taking the hits, yeah, when my H started letting me have it instead of keeping it inside..oh man, did it sting. In fact, some things that he says now STILL sting. BUT, it allows me to know what's really going on inside him (instead of attaching my own spin to things), hurt for a while, and then move on and figure out what I will do next.
I hated hearing that he did not care to see me in lingerie. That it was the same as any other piece of clothing to him...but you know what? It allowed me to store this knowledge for future reference and then MOVE ON. I will no longer prance around in front of him wearing a lacy number and think that it will have an effect on him. They are (honest to goodness) PAJAMAS to him. So be it. I will wear them for myself, someday.
At this point, I can't wear it "for myself" because I am still holding on to an expectation so I don't wear it. (plus it doesn't exactly fit, lol)
Last week I had to fight the urge to ask for my usual Victorias Secret for Christmas because, truly, it is what I really want...but it won't have the desired effect I am after so I am better off refraining. (btw, I have NEVER received any slinky stuff from him as a gift, so why I would continue to ask for it is beyond me..)
Wow, this is really a tangent. What I wanted to say is that you are not doing her any favors by keeping your real thoughts inside.
And it's not too late to ask her what she meant by the "things getting better" comment.
