What were the side effects, just out of curiosity?
Btw, I know this is not the most politically correct thing to say, but I don't for a minute believe that all sexual problems are the result of relational problems. The relational problems can exacerbate a sticky situation (or nonsticky one, lol) but sometimes it is a matter of one person refusing to change or cooperate, for their own reasons.
That is, they'd rather see the relationship go down the tubes than stretch themselves and grow. That prospect is too scary for them.
I hope this is not a depressing message; personally I'm having a nice day. I am just a realist, I suppose.
Socal, I think you need to get REAL with her. When she says that the book was too different and you respond Different can be good... I think that approach is too soft. It is vague and, really, it stops there, kwim? You say it can be good and that's the end of that. She is free to think, No it isn't and there is no resolution. Next time, you might want to say "I am no longer satisfied with the way things are right now. I want and need something 'different' once in a while. I don't see myself being able to stay happy in this R without your attention to this."
I think that we HD people want to cloak our language too often, both to protect the other person (whom we love) and to not make ourselves look like psychos. But once you lay it on the line--this is who I am--it is liberating.
Are you selling your wife short? Do you think she can handle seeing the real you?
I was terrified to really 'show' myself to my H and I still don't know if he likes or understands the real me, but I can say that I feel a lot better now that I stopped selling myself out, in order to protect his feelings.
He does the same thing with me. Sometimes I'm sure his responses seem downright mean to me, but I appreciate his honesty and his courage in showing me who he really is. It leads to the "begrudging respect" that Lillie wrote about on her other post.
One more question: In what way did your wife think that things were going better? Was it really improving in this area? Maybe she needs some validation that, yes, that area is great! and can we also work on XYZ area?
