Solid, It is hard to resist the hypnotism when it is so large and loverly.
Seriously, I do realize that all of his erections are not necessarily about desire. I just had always assumed that the Dog In Buns ones were but perhaps I was mistaken. Maybe it is just the sensation of skin-on-skin that the lil' guy is reacting to and not necessarily what/where/who that skin belongs to. That's kinda depressing!
I like your thoughts on failure; it sure does fit with my H's personality. I think he feels that he's gotta have TONS of desire in order to have sex. More on that later.
Quote: It really seems like he can't show you desire unless he feels safe. Like you have to give him some sign of mutual desire first.
This is him to a tee. I always have to go first. I am SICK of going first. This system is fine but it fails to recognize that we, as the HD partner, want to feel the same thing--that we inspired them to feel horny and they want to share the lovemaking experience with us.
Last night: H and I had been very affectionate and kissy most of the night. He gave me some passionate pecks throughout the evening and, at one point, I laid my head on his stomach (he was laying down) and my milk-laden breasts cradled his squeezy bits just right. The mood was set. Then we got into bed and snuggled a bit. He finally turned to me and went to give me a peck. I returned his peck with a passionate real kiss which is not my usual M.O. For all you HD men who might think that I am a dream wife, let me illustrate the depths of my stubbornness and blow that to smithereens: When H initiates, I have become so...so...filled with anxiety over his lack of desire that I tend to lay there and wait for him to show it. This is a bit like waiting for a volcano to erupt. It MAY happen, but statistically speaking, you are wasting your time. Foreplay usually takes a long time (according to him--the time spent is probably about 5-10 minutes) because my mind has not settled down yet. I am still wanting to see that he WANTS to have sex and not that he is placating me. He, like you said Solid, is waiting for me to make it safe so that he can feel his own desire. Sometimes I do this, most of the time I don't. Stubborn, I told ya.
So we fumble around, both of us waiting for the other to show desire first and it would be comical if it wasn't so painful.
When he initiated last night, however, I totally took him off guard with the passionate kiss right off the bat. It was as if someone let off a firecracker inside him. He sprang to life and was instantly into it. That revved me up even more and we fed off each other. It was very nice!
Afterwards, I said to him that I would do that as often as I could, since it worked so well. I said this more to convince mySELF than him.
I still hate going "first" but the results are good when I do and isn't that what this site is all about?
