Hi, Honey, thanks for the nice post. I was good hearing from you. I need to start a new thread of my own, with a more positive tone. A little less Eeyore, a little more Pooh.
Quote: I don't think he has any performance anxiety, except that he feels he can't keep up with me. When we are doing it, though, I don't believe that he feels any sort of anxiety. Is that what you meant? Or just that he looks at sex as something in which he will potentially fail? That is an interesting thought. My H does not like to fail--ever. He is the guy working 100 times harder than anyone else and who pushes himself every day to live up to the standards he has set for himself.
Yes, it's the potential for failure that I was proposing. One thing that perfectionists sometimes do is choose not to participate. If you don't engage in an activity, you can't fail at it. That's my wife in spades.
Quote: Which brings me to my last question: So, we all know about the arousal-then-desire pattern. But my H confounds and confuses me. Last night, when I made the horny comment, I was asking because he was laying there with his erect penis nestled in between cheeks (we were both nude) and, despite that, I knew he wasn't all that horny. WHAT IS UP WITH THIS?
You know, for a lot of us guys, it just doesn't take much arousal to get an erection. So, erection does not equal desire. This casts new light on the little show he put on for you last week when he showed you an erection, told you "See, I DO TOO have desire for you," then rolled over and went to sleep. I can't blame you for being confused. Don't get hypnotized by the hard-on .
Quote: Though when I mentioned him getting horny for me, then is when he came to life and started giving off "I will if you will" signals. At no time did he say he wanted to, he just indicated that he would if I wanted to.
It really seems like he can't show you desire unless he feels safe. Like you have to give him some sign of mutual desire first.
I'm glad things are going so well with the new baby! And I'm hoping you have a passionate evening with Alien H.
Sincerely,
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
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