You know, one of the things that came out of our convo from Wed nite (the really bad night) was this line from H:
"You want me to have NO self-control?!"

I mean, he was really flabbergasted at the idea of me wanting him to NOT have control over himself. The idea was repugnant to him.

Another interesting thing to note is that I found him all shaved and prettied up down south last night. He said he did it the night before (the baaaad night) in anticipation of our reunion. I said, But H...you didn't want sex that night!
He said he had changed his mind, which of course I already knew.
But then I remembered that he acted as if he didn't know that I wanted sex that night and I was confused as to HOW he could have missed that point. Turns out he didn't. And that he was even preparing for it.
But when the rubber hit the road, he couldn't pull it off so he played dumb instead.

The behavior of the LD spouse really confounds me, at times. I just don't understand the motivation behind it and WHO is benefitting from it. I mean, H is happier since we ML last night, as am I, so why the hesitation? Why the need for an icebreaker?

I suppose I need to stop trying to understand it, eh. Shoot, if HE can't make sense of it then why should I expect to be able to...


As far as the scheduled sex, boring is not one of my worries about it. I don't think the actual sex would be that much different than any other night and maybe even a little better.

See, my H doesn't actively think about sex. Ever.
If a sexual thought comes into his brain, he stuffs it away pronto. This is not due to religious hangups so much as it is due to his "self control" issues.
But if we both knew that we were having sex that night, it would force him to at least not stuff the thought away, though I doubt it would generate a bunch of thoughts in and of itself.

Honestly, if I never thought about sex, I would not have much of a sex drive. LD people might say that you need a strong sex drive to generate the thoughts in the first place, I don't know.
But for me, thinking about it and looking forward to it keep the feelings alive. If I were constantly forcing the thoughts away I don't see how I would be able to maintain a libido.
Just having the baby in our room last night was about to ruin everything for me. I almost told H to wheel her bassinet in another room and I probably will in the future. (ASSuming, ahem, that there ARE other encounters in my near future!!)

J,
Why do you think the bath would scare your husband off? Pressure?
And, really, what is so bad about pressure anyway?

I mean, my H expects me to cook dinner every night. He expects me to go to church on Sundays. He expects me to take care of our kids every day. He expects me to hug him back when he gives me a hug. He expects the house to be spic and span every day.

Am I missing something? We ALL have expectations (btw, that is probably too strong of a term, but I can't think of the proper way to phrase it, so sue me ) of our mates so why does the expectation of sex cause feelings of pressure and fear? I don't understand that..

Is it because it is something that you have to SHARE? It can't be done alone?
Meaning, he expects dinner..I cook it..but I do it alone; I am not having to be intimate and up close and personal with him while doing so.
Is this the off-putting part?

I do see that it is hard for my H to experience intimate moments unless I really grease the gears, so to speak, lol. Even then, it isn't a foolproof thing. There are other conditions that need to be met. Have I mentioned that ML to him is a pain in the ass?

But obviously I enjoy it or I wouldn't still be here.

HP