It means that he could not bring himself to make a move on me, tell me he wanted sex, act horny, or jump my bones. He needs ME to make a move..or set the scene...etc...somehow to 'direct' what should happen. He does not feel comfortable being the aggressor and YET he also wants the action to occur on days when HE wants it.
In other words, he wants me to initiate on days when he is already horny.
Last night, when we started kissing, it was the icebreaker he needed. It is hard for him to become intimate with my body when he hasn't touched me intimately in a long time. Me....I could jump back into the swing of things much quicker. He needed an actual physical encounter with my squeezy bits..his hand on me..to be able to mentally go to the next step--desire for sex. Until then, the whole thing felt awkward to him.
Do I understand this? F no.
But I could see and feel the sincerity of what he said, last night. I know that he tells me the truth. This is the way that HE experiences his sexuality, at this point in time.
So I have two choices: Give him the icebreakers that he needs, which is a win for him and a half-win for me (I get to ML but it is at the expense of feeling desired).
OR,
Do nothing and watch him flounder around and fail me again.
Despite the depressive sound of this message, I am in a fairly good mood today. Still a small bit of resentment but I am cautiously optimistic that we'll settle into a routine.
