I'm so glad you finally posted. I think I'm fused with you!
Quote: I cannot believe that my H doesn't want me.
Isn't that silly? It is probably as plain as day to you folks but every time I am confronted with it, I freak out!
No this isn't silly, honey. It freaks me out, too about my bf. I believed that any guy would be thrilled to have an enthusiastic, experienced lover like me, and ESPECIALLY if he's in love with me (and, like you, I have no doubt that he is). <sigh, again>
This brings up another one of my theories and that is that at your first meeting with a potential romantic partner, there are signals and hints of the things that will be your areas of biggest conflict... mini-red flags, if you will. Unfortunately, we're usually too optimistic and hopeful to see them and Get the Message.
Closely correlated is the saying: when a person tells you who he (or she) is, BELIEVE him (her).
On the other thread, I mentioned that when I first met my bf at the computer store (after I was single again), we got to talking and I felt the sparks really flying. I stayed talking until the store closed, and then I boldly said: "Let's go have a drink." He agreed immediately, and I was attracted by his non-hesitation and enthusiasm. We sat and talked for five hours. I poured out stuff about music, about my recent period of grieving (about which he was so sweet and tender), about school. He talked about himself-- it was great. We really connected.
Then we walked out in the parking lot, and before I got in my car, I hugged him. There wasn't one speck of warmth from him to me in that hug. It was like hugging a big stuffed animal. At the time, it struck me as very odd. I mean, I wouldn't have expected him to cop a feel or anything like that, but I would have expected a sense of warmth commensurate with our five-hour conversation. I'm a pretty huggy person-- and there are different types of hugs, goodness knows, but this one just didn't ring true. It was as if you went down a row of bells and tapped each one with a hammer and they all rang sweetly, and the last one went "clunk." A little red flag went up inside me that I ignored.
What that lukewarm-blah hug told me in my guts that I ignored was that this man likes you but for some reason is not comfortable communicating that to you physically. And that is still the issue.
Long way of saying, that maybe that in that first shy meeting, he told you who he was... and now you're having to face it and accept it...
