This self-control thing and passing up the chocolate is very interesting... bear with me and see if you think this is too much of a stretch:

Let's go back for a second to my concept of sex as "scoring." In my case-- and this is an exaggeration-- when I have a sexual encounter, I get points on my Permanent Record Card in the category of "attractive to men (or a man)." I guess if I give a great BJ or have a great O, I get points in the category "ALL WOMAN!" (Yes, I am probably One Sick Puppy, but I AM in therapy, after all.)

If someone offers me chocolate and I turn it down, I get points for "successfully staying on my diet" and I feel good about myself.

In Honey's H's case, if he feels desire and exercises self control (by not following up on it especially if it is an inappropriate time), my hypothesis is that he believes he gets points on his Permanent Record Card in the categories "self control," "resisted temptation," and "delayed his gratification." The last one sounds really possible... points for saving your dessert for later, instead of devouring it FIRST, which is what your carnal nature wants you to do. He may also feel he gets points for using his mind to overcome bodily inclinations.

Any one of these might be good for more points on HIS card than simply doing what comes naturally, namely, following his inclinations and giving in to desire. I mean, it's possible that he might see following his desire as self-indulgence, gratification, immoderation, and any number of not exactly bad things, but marginally questionable things-- on the slippery slope, as it were. Maybe he feels that if he follows his desire, he'll turn into a sex fiend! (You should be so lucky! )

Maybe he gets a better over all "score" on his score card for NOT revealing his desire and following it than he would if he simply did what the average <sigh> guy would do, namely, felt horny and went looking for his wife.

Especially if he was in the military and presumably around lots of loose sex talk and behavior, and particularly being an ex-seminarian-- he may feel that he's above all that stuff, and that your relationship is above all those carnal appetites.

Lil, pondering the sand castle she has built and waiting for the wave