NOP, Perhaps you are right. I am only going off what he says to me and yet it is quite obvious that a person whose religion permeates everything they do would say, "No I do not think that it is sinful to desire your wife.." all the while doing just that, huh.
Truthfully I think it is his personality--very compartmentalized, a little rigid, easily thrown off by everyday stressors, etc.
Here are my answers for you to dissect.
Quote: a) It is okay to desire sex with my wife. Yes.
b) It is okay to enjoy passionate love making. Yes
c) It is okay to think about having sex with my wife throughout the day. Absolutlely not. I am at work and that is just inappropriate. Plus, what is the point? It's not like I can do anything about it. And...sputter..sputter...what if my BOSS were to come up and I have a hardon?!
d) It is okay to lust for my wife. Yes, if it is the right time.
e) It is okay to be turned on without doing something about it. Why would anyone do that?
To answer your other questions, Yes he knows that God does not have a problem with marital sex and he would SAY that lusting for his wife is fine but there is a time and a place for such activities....aaaaaaaaaaand since we have little kids, the times and places are considerably diminished. (forget the fact that our sex life was in the tubes before D5 was even conceived)
I agree that his religious hangups are not completely gone. How can they be? His earliest foundation of sexuality was formed by people who thought it was dirty, horrible, etc. However, I don't know that it runs his thoughts these days. Certain times I can see him struggling with it..such as when I have suggested we ML in the mornings. He gets up very early so that he can attend Mass every day and I can see him struggling with the thought of ML to me right before he heads off to church. Most other times, though, I see a person who has a healthy view of sex--at least as far as it pertaining to religion.
He is TERRIBLY naive, though, about relationships. I was his first girlfriend at 27 (due in large part to his overbearing mother and his reluctance to date in 'front of her') and he sometimes talks very childish when talking about R's. Now, I'm only 33 so I don't propose to be an expert, lol, but I would never say some of the stuff he does--such as, If a person has a close enough relationship with God they could never have an affair. That is overlooking the most basic spiritual principle of them all: namely that we are all sinners and none of us is above doing something heinous.
As far as the Mommy thing goes, I don't think he struggles with this in my non-pg state. If anything, his struggle is with being a MAN (and having sexual urges) while our kids are present and awake. He sees this as highly inappropriate. So it's not so much me being a mother as it is him being a father. Cause you know I have no problem being the gal who colors, cuts and pastes all day and yet still wouldn't mind a good squeeze to the bits in between.
You wanna know what I really think about the V shaped snuggling? I think he was afraid that if he touched me anywhere, he'd get aroused and we'd end up having sex. For some reason (knowing him, TIREDNESS) he decided that he didn't want sex--despite his enthusiastic response from earlier--and wanted to make sure that I got the message. Also, I believe that he feels manipulated if I use my body to get him aroused in bed, after he has already made up his mind. He is right to feel this way because I DO try to manipulate him into having sex with me by draping my body across his or whatever. So it is not as if I am without fault here--but it still feels awful to know that he is intentionally avoiding me on a night when he appeared to be on board with it earlier.
I think he is hung up on propriety and everything having a time and a place, etc. At this particular stage of life for us, there IS no time and place for anything except raising our little ones. They are so time consuming right now; there is literally no time left for anything except them. It is a short time frame in our lives but at the same time why establish a pattern where there is no intimacy and closeness between us? How much harder would it be to reconnect in, say, 5 yrs when things have settled down?
I don't know..the bottom line is that I am not willing to be a roommate until the kids get older. He must meet me halfway. I know I ask a lot of him (provide for me and the kids, help around the house, be a good dad and a good lover).
Oh and I do realize that you told me to ask HIM those questions and I will. I had to add that in cause I knew you'd bust me on it.
