Quote: I would expect "sweet nothings" about how you want to be close to him, how you appreciate him, how you love sharing your life with him, blah, blah, blah would be exactly the kind of stuff that would float his boat.
Yes this is exactly the kind of thing that would float his boat. What would NOT float his boat would be phrases like: I want to verb your noun, I can't to feel you inside me, ETC.
He would put the kabosh on that pretty quickly.
As far as him divorcing the spiritual from the sexual, no, I really don't believe that he does that any longer. We have read books together, attended a REALLY good seminar on this topic (more on that later GGB) and I feel good with the understanding that we both have of our sexuality.
What he DOES do is divorce sex from love, I believe. Either he is feeling lovey dovey, or he is horny. The two don't seem to coexist in his daily life much. Hardly ever, in fact. We had a conversation about this last weekend in which he tried to accuse me of just wanting the down-n-dirty sex and completely taking the love out of it. I responded that No that is not how I feel but that I could make the same claim of him and say that he tries to take all the LUST out of it and make it only about emotions and lurrrv. Now, if it is entirely predicated on emotions guess what's going to happen? At 8:30 he's feeling the love and ML sounds like a good idea. Then the kids get up out of bed and his mood turns foul as he wrestles them back into their room and all of a sudden, ML is out of the question. Imo, to have a strong sex life it must be about lust AND love. The whole enchilada, right! Otherwise those little life things will constantly ruin the mood.
The frustrating thing about my H is that I know that he feels physical twinges of desire now and then. Sometimes I see it (though rarely), sometimes he tells me about it later..but they are there every once in a while. But he keeps himself so buttoned up that he feels uncomfortable telling me about it as they occur, or acting on them.
He always loves me, I have no doubt of this. He occasionally desires me, according to him. But he has a hard time doing the two at the same time. Or letting one flow from the other. He is a "mode" person where he switches from one thing to the other. Me, I could have twenty five things going on concurrently and do a steady job at them all.
Btw, he is 37 so he is post-Vatican II. However, I have written before that his mother did quite a number on him and his sexuality. Starting with forcing him into a seminary at age 14. He was actually scared to introduce me to his parents when we were dating because he was afraid that his mother would be disappointed--she never quite gave up the dream that he would be a priest.
GGB, I am excited to hear how the Marriage Encounter goes! You will be my inspiration on whether to attend the one coming up in my area in December. The seminar I referenced above is called "The Good News About Sex and Marriage" by Christopher West. I may have told you about it before, think so in fact, but this seminar was SO good. He has a website where you can check his whereabouts and if he is going to be in a city near you anytime soon. This was so good that my H raved about it to his mother !!!! I was crackin up, watching her face, as she talked sex with her son. He would never, ever do this today but he was on a high from this seminar and we had stopped by their house to pick up our kids. The only thing I didn't like was that C. West is obviously an HD man and his seminar was from that perspective. He did acknowledge that the woman could be the higher drive partner but mostly he spoke about the horny fellas. It is something that your wife would really enjoy, I think. The wives there seemed to enjoy it more than the men, or maybe that was just my perception. Women have this weird thing where they almost need permission to be sexual and the words he was saying must have felt very freeing to them.
Anyway that's all from me this morn! I had a nice email conversation with H yesterday in which he said "Yeah you betcha! Can't wait!!" to my 'can we please have sex' query.
So I have a whole closet full of money to the first person to correctly guess What Happened at Honey's House last night.
