Quote: GGB who doesn't wear a bodice, but still wants it ripped off without having to also write the script.
You might look rather strange in a bodice without having a through body wax. Is that what you are going for? That would be more things ripped off of you..... Very painful though. Be careful what you wish for..... LOL
Ooh, yeah, I struggle with that grass is greener thought a lot. There is NO one who would be a better husband to me than my H. He is the best! Best companion, father, you name it. He is it! People have always made fun of me because I have no shame in saying that I would walk to the ends of the earth for my H. I really would. He is just a phenomenal person.
But the longing for a man to want me (this morning I was calculating how many yrs it has been since I felt it w/o having to force it somehow and couldn't do it..I simply can't remember) is getting palpable.
I told him this weekend that I am fine now but I do live in fear that someday someone will take a fancy to me and I will fall for it hook, line and sinker. What a disastrous thing that would be. Not cheating necessarily because I don't think I would do that--I would probably just leave. Either way it would be devastating to him and myself and our family. WHAT IF, H? I asked. He was flabbergasted that this was even a fear of mine. I told him that if a woman ever comes along who woos him with spiritual discussions and he falls for her, that I would consider that I have a big personal responsibility in making that happen. That by neglecting to do something that I know makes him happy and fulfilled, I am leaving the door open for someone else to step in and do it. He replied that I do not understand God and how one gets close to Him. That if you are close to God, there is no room for another person to enter the picture.
How naive he is.
On another note, how VERY interesting that your W initiates by the Just Grab It method, also! I think there is something to that...that is how he (and she) gets turned on so that is how he does it to me. Here all this time I was thinking that he just intentionally wants to do it the same way every time because he is boring....I know, not the most positive way to frame things. So thank you for giving me another perspective.
He doesn't like for me to whisper sweet nothings in his ear, etc, so that would explain why it would not occur to him--or would make him uncomfortable--to do it to me.
Why do we love our spouses the way we want to be loved, instead of how they like it?
I mean, people KNOW all about love languages but I've yet to see a person who is successful in the long term with this approach. Seems we all fall back into familiar habits.
This is interesting since he seems to love "spiritual conversations"
Quote: He doesn't like for me to whisper sweet nothings in his ear
I would expect "sweet nothings" about how you want to be close to him, how you appreciate him, how you love sharing your life with him, blah, blah, blah would be exactly the kind of stuff that would float his boat.
Does he totally divorce (excuse the expression) the Spiritual from the Physical/Sexual as all good Catholics were taught to do when I was a kid? (BTW, how old is he? Is he a pre- or post-Vatican II guy? I was in high school when Vatican II hit the fan, so I was raised in the "old fashioned Latin high mass priests were God" days. Probably one reason why I'm a Reform Jew today! )
Snarch kind of spoiled the just grab it for me a little where he says it is sad that so many couples initiate sex by starting with genital contact, and that they are missing out on so much opportunity for connection. I knew it subconsciously, but he brought it out to the front.
W and I have talked a little about foreplay, but she doesn't really see what the big deal is. She also laughs about eye's open kissing and orgasms, feels funny about it and doesn't really want to do it. Not to mention the best LM we've had was one Saturday morning where I insisted we look into each others eyes while doing it.
I think you may have something there with what is comfortable to the LD spouse guiding their actions. I think W only starts with wht she feels comfortable doing and knowing will work because it is what works on her. Thanks HP, I think we've stumbled onto something here together, it is enlightening to me as well.
--GGB, really really looking forward to the Marriage Encounter Weekend coming up in 2 weeks, and wondering why MrsGGB is so apprehensive.
Quote: I would expect "sweet nothings" about how you want to be close to him, how you appreciate him, how you love sharing your life with him, blah, blah, blah would be exactly the kind of stuff that would float his boat.
Yes this is exactly the kind of thing that would float his boat. What would NOT float his boat would be phrases like: I want to verb your noun, I can't to feel you inside me, ETC.
He would put the kabosh on that pretty quickly.
As far as him divorcing the spiritual from the sexual, no, I really don't believe that he does that any longer. We have read books together, attended a REALLY good seminar on this topic (more on that later GGB) and I feel good with the understanding that we both have of our sexuality.
What he DOES do is divorce sex from love, I believe. Either he is feeling lovey dovey, or he is horny. The two don't seem to coexist in his daily life much. Hardly ever, in fact. We had a conversation about this last weekend in which he tried to accuse me of just wanting the down-n-dirty sex and completely taking the love out of it. I responded that No that is not how I feel but that I could make the same claim of him and say that he tries to take all the LUST out of it and make it only about emotions and lurrrv. Now, if it is entirely predicated on emotions guess what's going to happen? At 8:30 he's feeling the love and ML sounds like a good idea. Then the kids get up out of bed and his mood turns foul as he wrestles them back into their room and all of a sudden, ML is out of the question. Imo, to have a strong sex life it must be about lust AND love. The whole enchilada, right! Otherwise those little life things will constantly ruin the mood.
The frustrating thing about my H is that I know that he feels physical twinges of desire now and then. Sometimes I see it (though rarely), sometimes he tells me about it later..but they are there every once in a while. But he keeps himself so buttoned up that he feels uncomfortable telling me about it as they occur, or acting on them.
He always loves me, I have no doubt of this. He occasionally desires me, according to him. But he has a hard time doing the two at the same time. Or letting one flow from the other. He is a "mode" person where he switches from one thing to the other. Me, I could have twenty five things going on concurrently and do a steady job at them all.
Btw, he is 37 so he is post-Vatican II. However, I have written before that his mother did quite a number on him and his sexuality. Starting with forcing him into a seminary at age 14. He was actually scared to introduce me to his parents when we were dating because he was afraid that his mother would be disappointed--she never quite gave up the dream that he would be a priest.
GGB, I am excited to hear how the Marriage Encounter goes! You will be my inspiration on whether to attend the one coming up in my area in December. The seminar I referenced above is called "The Good News About Sex and Marriage" by Christopher West. I may have told you about it before, think so in fact, but this seminar was SO good. He has a website where you can check his whereabouts and if he is going to be in a city near you anytime soon. This was so good that my H raved about it to his mother !!!! I was crackin up, watching her face, as she talked sex with her son. He would never, ever do this today but he was on a high from this seminar and we had stopped by their house to pick up our kids. The only thing I didn't like was that C. West is obviously an HD man and his seminar was from that perspective. He did acknowledge that the woman could be the higher drive partner but mostly he spoke about the horny fellas. It is something that your wife would really enjoy, I think. The wives there seemed to enjoy it more than the men, or maybe that was just my perception. Women have this weird thing where they almost need permission to be sexual and the words he was saying must have felt very freeing to them.
Anyway that's all from me this morn! I had a nice email conversation with H yesterday in which he said "Yeah you betcha! Can't wait!!" to my 'can we please have sex' query.
So I have a whole closet full of money to the first person to correctly guess What Happened at Honey's House last night.
Lil, He tells me about it as we are having sex. He cannot show desire unless we are having sex. Then he tells me about what was going through his head earlier, if anything, and it DOES drive me nutz. Cause I think "well how much more fun it could have been if I had known he was thinking that.."
His thinking goes like this: If I can't have sex at this very moment, then what is the point of saying or doing anything sexy. Why would anyone do that? What is the point?
As you said yesterday some people are epicureans and others are simpletons.
Ha ha ha ha. See there, I just wanted an excuse to call my husband a simpleton. Seriously, he does have a simple streak in him. Dislikes fanciness for the sake of fanciness. It used to drive him crazy when the Marine Corps would put them up in fancy hotels with mints on the pillow, etc, cause after all they WERE marines and he is just not like that.
Hairy, You must have sailed through law school cause you are one smart cookie.
Not only did he not want sex but he wouldn't even touch me all night long. He would move his body close to mine but would NOT touch me. Especially with his hands. Once his leg or something did come in contact with me but he does this bizarre thing where he positions his body so that no part of his comes in contact with any part of mine and yet we are physically close enough to be considered snuggling. Sortof like our heads are close but our bodies are in a V shape.
Today he is unusually cheerful.
Oh well, I'm not going to worry about it any more. It is clear to me that he is not all that horny for me and has not used this postpartum period to get in touch with his hor-nay side. He has simply enjoyed the break and doesn't seem all that anxious to resume a normal sex life.
would be exactly the kind of stuff that would float his boat. 
) 
