Mrs, Thank you for posting this. I had posted something like this wayyyyyy back when but was never sure how it came out. There is a tendency for people to think, Aww how cute; they adore each other!
And they do. All of my D's (including the little one!) love my H and he adores them to the point of complete spoilage.
When I was pregnant with D2 (and totally sexually cut off, mind you) my H was in the worst of his love affair (and I mean that in the most loving and innocent manner) with our older daughter. She would go to her room and call for him and then shut the door behind him! So that I could not come in, obviously. She wanted him all to herself. He was weak enough that he allowed this to go on day after day. I would sit in the living room by myself, fat and pregnant and lonely for my family. Of course, it didn't start when she was 2..it had been going on for some time. I finally blew up and asked him to address it and he did. From that day on, their play time in her room was over and was replaced with family time.
Then D2 arrived and we began to repair the sexual part of our relationship and things really improved in the parenting department. He was really on board with including me in everything and enjoying the fact that he could spend time with me and not feel guilty.
Still, though, the discipline and respect thing eludes him. He disciplines them in terms of keeping the house clean but will not say anything if D5 starts to sass me and such. This drives me crazy! I can't help but to say something if she is doing it to him...both because he is my husband and I usually defend him (lol, didja like the usually) and because I have devoted my life to raising her and will NOT allow her to turn into some sassy, mouthy brat who doesn't even respect her own father--this is my job and career and I take it seriously, you know?
For his part, he says that the time he spends with them is so short that he hates to be the bad guy ogre when he is home. I understand that but I sure see the Ogre coming out when they leave socks on the floor, so that's not the whole picture. I think that a part of him feels weird being the head of the family...the strong man...the disciplinarian...the guy who wants sex from his wife...an authority figure to his kids.
Well, I'm really making him sound like a ***** and he isn't. He's just inconsistent and too polite for his own good. That is the 'niche' he fills in his family, who are a bunch of volatile psychos. He was the Good Son, the polite one who never did anything wrong. Then he grew up and was the Marine of the Year. Etc.
He wants to be the good guy all the time and our D's need him to set boundaries for them and I need him to be baaaaaaaaaad once in a while. LOL
Thanks for the input; it is good to know that other Dad's out there struggle for balance. I would like to see him teach our girls to respect me, so that burden doesn't fall on my solely on my shoulders as well.
