See, I guess I'm waiting for H to hammer me on the head with something, uh, softer. Doh! Not soft...but definitely not made of metal.

I do know that he shows little signs that I am supposed to be taking as desire. I don't know...at the risk of sounding like a hardheaded jacka$$, I just am not willing to accept that any longer. I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT R.

He NEVER shows outright desire. I usually have to make it known that it is "okay" for him to proceed or he won't. Over the weekend he gave me Passionate Pecks many times (as he has done since I had the baby) and I liked it. But dammit the days of me always being the one to turn it into a real kiss are OVER.
He needs to stretch himself and grow. He needs to stick his neck out and attempt to show his inner sexual self to me.

I am tired of making everything 'safe' for him so that he can proceed. I am not asking this as a daily occurrence. Or even a weekly one. ONE sign of sexual aggressiveness from him would probably have me floating on the clouds for several weeks.
Furthermore, I am so EASY! When I say sexual aggressiveness, I am talking about one notch up from his Passionate Pecks. In no way would he have to turn into Don Juan.

He keeps all this bottled up inside himself and then just wants me to trust that it's there. He shows it when we are engaged in ML but he has also admitted that much of our lovemaking is because he wants to "keep me happy".

Part of it is also that I don't particularly find buttoned-up prudes attractive. Last night I was looking at him and thinking, Now what is it that I find attractive about him? He's a nice person and so very enjoyable to be around but..truly..what is it that I find sexually attractive about him?

His body attracts me but his personality can quickly quench that fire.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I can live with him being uncomfortable in his own sexual skin for the majority of the time. It's the minority of the time that's gettin to me. I HAVE to see it sometimes. I have to know that my own husband wants me and finds me attractive. The absence of compliments, sexual affection, innuendos, initiation and snuggling (can't do that! It might lead to sex..) add up to a bland and bleak life.

I asked my H yesterday: "I think I deserve this. Do YOU think I deserve this?" He said Yes.

So what is the holdup??

Patience is not one of the virtues that I possess, can you tell.
However, since we've been married 9 years maybe I should rethink that statement! It's not like I've given him 10 minutes to step up to the plate, eh.

Interestingly we are having a good email conversation today.
Basically I badgered him into saying that he wants to have sex with me. This sounds weird, but we were joking with each other. H and I have always used humor to bridge the gaps between us.
However, I then asked him why I have to badger him to have sex with me and he has retreated and is not responding any longer. lol

Honey, who can't keep her mouth shut these days.

Oh well the 'other man' fantasies are subsiding a bit so that is good...