Let's see if I can help you remember.... You did say last night that S. said he does want to talk about the R. (or was it the 5LL's) but that he was looking for a safe space (time) to talk. You mentioned that that part of the conversation was good, calm & clear and that you realized he wasn't avoiding anything and that he DID want to work on it. You said you felt quite sure of that.

So I asked you what does S. need to feel he's in that safe space? What needs to happen (or not happen)? If you can't put your finger on that, how about listing what DOESN'T make S. feel safe to talk? What makes him withdraw or seek cave time?
Quote:

So what do I need to focus on now, and use it to move forward?


Well, I think you know what I would say because we talk so much, but I'll say it anyways so you'll have it in writing

I have believed that S. does want things to work out and that he has trying. I have thought that you've gotten sidetracked - sometimes due to silly snooping & ASSumptions, and other times by expectations or scripting, rather than communicating more clearly what it is you want. Whatever, I keep thinking that perhaps it's best to focus on the positives, on all the fun things you guys are doing, and all that you are getting. How about using the knowledge that you know he's trying, and start focusing on his LL's and creating the wonderful, fabulous, exciting, yet oh-so-safe environment for S. to have that talk you guys keep talking about talking about (poor English intended!)

Hugs,
-H2H

PS: DB girlie sleep-overs are awesome - watch out you San Francisco Treats (GBO,Azure, Maya) the NY Duo will be heading your way soon!