Gosh, I hope I didn't give the impression that I thought you should not take the message into consideration... If I had to summarize what I was thinking as I was posting it is that right now, while there are some issues or problems, IMHO it might be worthwhile to continue focusing on the positives and what you ARE getting.
I think what got to me was the 'heap of ash' comment. I think we see on the BB many relationships at various points, with heap of ash being way over on one side of the spectrum. I see your R pretty far from that side, and believe you have seen many positives toward creating a r that will satisfy both your needs.
I think I said clearly that I didn't necessarily disagree with the content of the message - the part of fearing commitment - and I still don't after pondering this overnight. This may well be food for thought for you and all of us really. My main 'objection' (too strong a word, but can't find a better one at the moment) is that it seemed to me to take the 'half empty' view. At this point in the early stages of reconciliation, I wonder if there isn't more merit (and this is a real question, not a statement) in focusing on the positives and as you have been doing, examining your 'issues' and/or role in the way things are. If we keep looking at the shortcomings as tea leaves, expecting them to be a sign of our worst fears, then it just may become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Anyways, I'm not sure if I'm making much sense here. If I had to say it in one sentence I'd say: Focus on the positives, note the negatives, and work on finding solutions and understanding your fears.
Oh and ditto to Betsey's statement "Make sure you give yourself EVERYTHING (and I mean EVERYTHING) you deserve. Never less. Whatever that might be."
