Just for the record - for folks who know we're DB buddies - that message didn't come from me.
While I don't really see anything particularly wrong with DB Buddy's point in the message, I also don't think it should give you cause to worry either. Insight on S's family is helpful (relevant) and I don't recall you using it as an excuse for him not trying to satisfy your needs. The fact is that we all have many reasons why we find it difficult to satisfy the needs of those we love. Understanding the life experiences of your partner and what role they may have in your current R is IMHO a useful thing to do.
It does seem that you are both 'testing' - that is, you both have some fears (reticent) about commitment. I don't think this is news to you - we have talked about that. You know that you are self-protective and I think it's normal for both of you to hang on to that and shed it slowly. And I don't think S. is NOT trying to meet your needs.
Things are not 'perfect' (whatever that means), but in my eyes you both seem to be trying. You have had your share of pouts and hurts, and your share of rolling your sleeves up and trying to get it right. You both seem to be willing to come back to sticky issues and work them out.
Why would this one message lead you to suddenly cast so much doubt? This is life, Jennifer, not Hollywood. There are things to work out - past behaviors to shake, new ways of dealing with issues to be forged. You know this.
I'd hate to see you retreat further into self-protection and doubt because one day he didn't call you. It's neither right nor wrong, it's just the way he dealt with it and we can't really mind read why. Since then you have had several (if not many) great moments.
Quote: ...at some point S has to be a willing partner in trying to meet those needs or else the two of you will end up on the R ash heap like the rest of us.
Huh? I'm sorry but this just seems like dramatic projection to me - I couldn't even begin to say that S. has not been a willing partner. Yes, there are wrinkles to work out still, but you are aware of these and doing a great job of working out your role in ironing them out.
Keep working, Jennifer - you are and have been seeing progress!
