Well, this is a welcome read! Glad things went well for you in VT. I had a feeling you would be able to get in some QT and move away from some of the 'squabbling' that was going on before you left.
As you say, I'll hold on to those words of yours for a while longer - until you REALLY need them tossed back at you. Seems to me you did quite well in figuring it out. [However, I do want say it again, that your timely email on Friday morning made a huge difference in my ability to self-soothe and handle the picking SO up from the hospital, etc. So thanks!]
Quote: But I ended up reading some of “What Could He Be Thinking,” and had a big AHA moment...
I have to do it: Na, Na, I told you so! All kidding aside, I had quite a few AHA moments with that book! And now that you mentioned it again, I feel like going through it again. I'd say this book and Mars/Venus made me see things quite differently.
Quote: ...he must feel inferior about certain things, and no wonder he stonewalls when he thinks I’m telling him what to do – he can be intimidated by me, and he needs to assert his own expertise and be respected by me for it.
This hits very close to home for me. Only recently did I understand that he could feel this way. Not only can I be intimidating, but I didn't see then (nor does he see now, I think) how dependent & vulnerable he is to my approval. It touches on what's being discussed on Betsey's thread - validation. I always had a 'better way,' jumped in guessing how he felt on things (or downright told him how he should feel about things), didn't slow down long enough to listen to what he was saying, and if I did, I didn't appreciate, validate or show acceptance/approval.
Becoming a better listener, validating & showing appreciation has made a huge difference. Expressing admiration for things he's truly good at (like S.'s “woodlands prowess” or astronomy) is far more important than I ever realized. He talks so much more and tells me more detail about things he's done or is thinking about.
Anyways, I'm glad it went well. Now when do we go out next to make sure we both stay in line?
Seems to me you did quite well in figuring it out. [However, I do want say it again, that your timely email on Friday morning made a huge difference in my ability to self-soothe and handle the picking SO up from the hospital, etc. So thanks!]
All kidding aside, I had quite a few AHA moments with that book! And now that you mentioned it again, I feel like going through it again. I'd say this book and Mars/Venus made me see things quite differently. 
