OK. I’m about to scream. S. is such a rigid, bull-headed @ss these days that I can’t even see straight. We are trying to get ready to go to Vermont, and he is acting like it is a HUGE favor to me that (a) I am packing the car and driving it into Manhattan to pick him up from work (b) that I am ALLOWED to bring a project (an antique table I am restoring) of mine along with us, that may or may not fit in the car on the way back (and which we can leave up there for two weeks until we go back up for Thanksgiving) and (c) that he even took 30 seconds this morning to speak to me about anything at all.
We just got into a heated discussion about those 3 seconds, thus taking 10 minutes to discuss how he doesn’t have time to talk to me about something for 30 seconds. ARRRRRGH!!!!!
I told him that I felt such an amazing amount of rigidity coming from him, and he said it was because HE was trying to get ready to go, etc., and I said that he is acting like he is going up there all by himself all the time, and I happen to be going along for the ride. It drives me crazy. I considered not going this trip, and letting him get his lumberjacking ya-yas out by himself, but H2H convinced me to go and get some bonding time in, which I agreed on, but THIS is too much. This morning I feel like I’m imposing on him again, and that my going along is just pursuing him into his cave. UGH. He even said to me this morning “Your asking me to look at your table feels like an imposition, when I’m trying to think about what I need to do.” And I wasn’t even asking him for anything but a quick opinion! AND I didn't insist that it be NOW... it really was a 30-second endeavor.
People, you can point out my failings in this conversation all you want. But I have to say right now that he was being an insufferable, rigid @ss and I won’t back down on that. I can pick him up from work, be cheerful, and act as if later, but now I am FUMING. If I didn’t think it would send him over the edge if I backed out of the trip, I would, because I think I need my own cave time. But since I'm comitted, I just need to take a bunch of stuff for myself, to work on, to read, and yes, my table.
I ended up just chopping off the conversation and getting out of there. I know he is sitting there fuming at me, but I do hope he will reflect on his *&^%$#!@ bullheadedness and feel sheepish about it.
UGH! UGH! UGH! I am so furious!
Merrick, if you’re listening, thank you for your thoughts. I have no patience to respond to any of them right now, but I agree with a lot of what you say. I am beginning to wonder how to deal with someone who has been single for 40 years – if he can ever see his way to a life with someone else in the mix. He certainly was thinking of himself all alone today – HIS needs, HIS desires, and HIS WAY, and all else be damned. I wonder if I should just say this to him, tell him of my concerns of his ability to think of himself in a real partnership, or if HIS needs will always come first. So far, it seems they do, most of the time. It's times like this when I feel like leaving him.
