So last night S. and I went to the ballet with my friends, a couple. We had a good time and I was focusing on giving S. lots of PT, attention, and some WOA. AND I paid for dinner, pre-empting some money tension over who bought the tickets (he did). Lots of smiling, per H2H's advice. I realize that when I'm with him sometimes, I'm so intent on doing or saying the right thing for the R that I forget to smile! Last night started out like that, because I was tense from the last few days of interactions, but I was able to pull myself out of it and laugh and smile a lot.
I have been back and forth with H2H over e-mail about this, but I read an e-mail from S. to his female friend (not Swiss Miss) in Switz that his "love life was a mess, as always." Not only that, but he didn't mention me, and this woman doesn't know we're back together. She knows Swiss Miss, and I'm wondering if he isn't telling her about me because he doesn't want her to tell SM. Now, he could be being nice, because he doesn't want SM to hear it from someone else, but it sure stings that this woman, who is an old friend from college, hears nothing about what is supposedly the most important R in his life. One thing she suggested in her reply, that I hope he hears loud and clear, is to try some THERAPY.
I'm having a hard time with this - it could have been his reaction from the last few days of tension, or a bigger concern. So I'm trying to concentrate on making things better. Tomorrow we go up to Vermont for four days, and as usual it will be a good time to bond on QT, and a time to be careful not to let triggers interfere. H2H has already reminded me about the car ride home - no R talk, no money talk. I think I'll bring the Chile guidebook and read aloud from it.
I think this w-e will have a lot of important R talk, actually. We've been saving it up for awhile. At least we'll have our LL talk.
Ugh. Love life is a mess, huh? Not sure what to make of it. Why would he say that to someone he corresponds with fewer than 4 times a year?
