Thanks, SD, Maya, and GBO. I feel unworthy of your encouragement today - read on:
Well, it was a great weekend, until last night. Saturday, S. and I lolled about in bed in the morning and then went our separate ways until we met up again around 7 to go out with my good MF for his birthday. We were out very late and had fun - Sunday was brunch with my group of friends, and it was fun as well.
The only thing is, S. gives one particular FF of mine an awful lot of attention, and I was getting annoyed (they have met only four times before). While we were together last week, he had invited her to go along with us to the sculpture center last week (she didn't end up going, but I was really miffed he had invited her without consulting me - I hid this).
So, here are the steps leading up to this: 1. The first time he met her, it was at a party at my house and he ran home to get something he'd made to show her. 2. The second time they met, he made a big deal that their work buildings are close together and commented that they should have lunch on day - no mention of MY being there. 3. The third time they met (months later) he did the same thing - "Oh wow" conversation about how close their buildings are and that they should meet up for lunch. 4. Fourth time he invited her to go to the sculpture place with us. 5. After the lunar eclispe, which we watched the end of together in the park, he casually said, out of the blue, "I was going to call [FF] to see if she wanted to come watch the eclispe, but I didn't have her number." (She lives fairly close, in the next neighborhood over - S. and I already had plans to watch it, so it wasn't like I wouldn't be there, but STILL.) 7. Fifth time was brunch yesterday, and while I was outside for 5 minutes with my other GF's baby, he somehow managed to ask her to come back with us to his house to see the fence he made. There was no mention of it to me, and I found out an hour later after we'd paid and said goodbye and I was walking off down the street with S. and he was holding back, and I said what are you doing, and he finally said "Oh, [FF] is coming with us to see the fence." (She was still talking to one of my other friends outside the restaurant.) 6. When the three of us got to my house (remember he is three doors down), he turned to me and said, "Are you going home now? or are you coming over?" I gave him a funny look and said "I'm coming over."
So maybe I am making mountains out of molehills, but he has never done this with any of my other friends. I was REALLY annoyed. So after she left I calmly said "You know, that felt kind of funny to me." And he asked why, and I said, "Well, just the fact that you asked me if I was going home, and of course I'm coming over because my friend is coming over, and I felt like you were trying to get rid of me or something." And I mentioned the weird thing about him saying he was going to call her but didn't have her number.
I wouldn't mind if we had been hanging out together for a long time and she became a friend of both of ours and he called her up one day to do something, like if I was out of town or something. But this was happening from day 1, and I have to admit it rings of a little crush. I'm really quite surprised that S. is so dense as to not think I have a clue. Honestly, I see how things like that happen - and I don't really care, she's a lovely person, and really cute, so I GET it, but that he has no idea that he's acting like a twit is really baffling to me.
So last night, after having gone our separate ways after that short conversation (it was fine - I said my piece and we had a short exchange about it), I went out with my cousin and went over to S's later and picked a fight with him. I don't even know how it started, but we dragged out all kinds of yucky stuff - never getting really heated but both of us pulling out the ammo nonetheless.
I told him that part of my concern, admittedly and embarrassingly to me, was that I was concerned that so many of his friends were young women. I said I was concerned because it called into question why that is, if he needed that female attention, if he needed to be in a position of power, etc., and also his ability, if he needed so much female attention, to be in a committed R with one person forever. He replied that he is stuck on that one because it's obvious to him why I would be concerned about that, but that he is secure in those friendships and that he gets a lot out of them, and so he's not going to feel badly about having them, but then he goes back to seeing how it would be a cause of concern to me, and so it's a catch 22. I was glad he at least saw WHY it may be of concern to me that his friends are women in their 20s.
All kinds of issues were touched upon, such as why he isn't integrating me into his life more (I STILL have not met one of his good [27-y-o F] friends, a woman who lives fairly close by)... and other stuff like why we don't interact like he does with other people - why he got excited about showing my FF his things and why he doesn't have that much excitement about showing them to me... etc etc etc etc
Yuck. I admit I got way out of hand, but I was glad to have gotten that off my chest. We went at it for several hours and finally called it off and went to bed at 2 in the a.m. He got into bed and I sat out in the LR for another 15 minutes, and when I got into bed he pulled me to him and held me.
This morning he got up with no touching, no words, and I got up an hour later. He was working in the LR and we said little. He hugged me before I left.
So ick. Ready for my 2 x 4s, but know that I KNOW I did poorly. I have to figure out what is going on with me that the trust issues are rearing their ugly head again. I did get an opportunity to tell him (after he said I would NEVER get over the trust issues) that I felt I had come a LONG way, and maybe he couldn't see it but that I certainly could, and that I was really so much farther along in trusting him than I was even 2 months ago. He seemed somewhat assuaged by that.
