Hi, folks, thanks SO much for all the valuable input. I feel very lucky to have such generous feedback on my thread today (and my new one, to boot! ). I’ve calmed down quite a bit over the course of the day, and have had some time to absorb all of your comments. Here are some responses:
SAGE: You are so right – he couldn’t respond, and I would venture to guess it’s all of the things you suggested: b/c it would have seemed false; b/c it would be bowing to pressure, especially. I have read M/V, but it’s been awhile. Thanks for the reminder.
StubbornD, As usual, you hit it square on the nose. I appreciate so much your straightforwardness. Your whack deserves repeating here, and I must admit a big guffaw escaped after I read it (thanks):
Quote: How would you feel if you got a little something to brighten your place and you had to explain and defend and justify yourself and spend a bunch of energy comforting him over his feelings about what is really none of his beeswax.
H2H, Yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes! I am so much clearer now that after he took me out last night, and was sweet and snuggled up to me, and was sweet this morning and stroked my hair like I’ve asked him to (though he needs a little practice ) … so after all that, he was making me unhappy somehow, and I just had to screw up my face and tell him. And over some FLOWERS he bought himself! My goodness. What a dolt. Yes, sending a search party out for Mlle. Fabuleuse again, we seem to have lost her temporarily. Merde.
Betsey, thank you for all the great analogy. It’s very clear, yes. And here’s the truth, though I’ve been SO much better about it since we got back together: Feeling as though I didn't acknowledge the terrific ways he WAS showing me he loved me and cared for me. I have learned to validate, and I had appreciated his taking me out last night (he even acknowledged my acknowledging it!). So I need to just be better at it. And you’re right, my approach would NEVER get me a raise! (I’m about to ask for one, too, so this is very timely. )
So from my last thread, just yesterday, when I was not a crazymaking fool, I posted some goals for the weekend. Here they are again, in hopes I can focus on them and not my selfish it’s-all-about-me id.
Quote: Short-term goals: 1. Have another finances talk w/ S. 2. Decide by this w-e where we are going on our trip in Feb. and book our tickets. 3. Start our LL work we discussed (see earlier posts). 4. Be free and easy, and do some "hanging out" at S's. 5. Try to figure a way to have him come over to my place to hang out while *I* do things. 6. Have fun at dinner at my house on Sunday night with live-in couple, friends of couple, and S. and I.
). I’ve calmed down quite a bit over the course of the day, and have had some time to absorb all of your comments. Here are some responses:
) … so after all that, he was making me unhappy somehow, and I just had to screw up my face and tell him. And over some FLOWERS he bought himself! My goodness. What a dolt. 
Yes, sending a search party out for Mlle. Fabuleuse again, we seem to have lost her temporarily. Merde.
)
