I don't know why it's so difficult to figure out what health is when it comes to sexuality. I am sure there are studies that validate all points of view and you can always find a group to support your way of thinking.
My sister-in-law has no interest in having children. Now, we are biological creatures designed for procreation, so is she unhealthy for having this POV? My personal feeling is that she is missing out but is not necessarily unhealthy, and it would be wrong of me to judge her decision.
As humans, our minds/emotions affect our most basic animal/primitive side, and that's why there are so many variations on a theme.
I was LD for a long time after having kids, probably because I couldn't see myself as being sexual while doing the maternal thing. Perhaps nature designs us to shut those feelings off to tend to our kids ( even HP had a few weeks of LDness) and maybe I had an overreaction. But was it unhealthy? I was happy enough in that mind frame, had friends who felt the same way, and you couldn't convince me otherwise.
When there is no clearcut right or wrong, the mistake we make is feeling that our way of thinking must be the right way. A clearcut right is to eat healthily and a clearcut wrong is to stay away from too much sugar when you're diabetic. But we will never agree on what the healthy standards are for many things in life.
Maybe when our spouses feel we are not judging them as much and we can agree to disagree, the whole system relaxes, as in Corri's case, and compromise is possible. And maybe there are just some situations where for all the understanding in the world, there is no solution and you have to go on from there.
Is that where you don't orgasm and the event is just for your H?
I am just curious; I think that I have a different definition of that term. I would use it literally--to define sex that is fast and without foreplay. Preferably standing up, leaning over the kitchen counter...ah, but I digress!!
Yes, that is how I define a 'quickie.' But it wasn't just for him... I wanted it, too. So I'd go more with your definition than implying that sex was just for his gratification. I wanted to skip the base running and go straight for home.
Quote: And can I ask you one more thing: Why would you suggest this form of sex, if you were meaning sex that does not include an O for you? Does it normally take a long time to O, or just when you have a problem such as the one you were mulling over in your brain? Is it that you can't concentrate...or fully feel sexual...while problems are brewing in the noggin?
It takes me a long time to O when my noggin is full of garbage and I can't detach from it, and quite honestly, I just didn't want to take the time to work for it...I was in the frame of mind that I'd have to think about it too much, if that makes any sense, and there just wasn't any room in my head for it to fit. I guess I kind of understand now what MoJo meant when she said, "I just sometimes want to fcuk." That's really all I wanted to do... didn't really give a hoot about the O... just wanted it down and dirty, rough and hard and fast.
Quote: I'm not so sure that the gulf between the people is as severe as what is first believed. If that makes any sense, lol. I think that the relational dynamics make the gulf SEEM wider than it actually is. But there is probably a gulf to begin with..just like with other personality characteristics. My H is HD when it comes to having a clean house. Think 'bounce a quarter off your mattress' type clean. Me..as long as the clutter is put away and counters clean and beds made, I'm okay with it.
Quote hd "Come on, Superdave. You need to keep up with your reading. That subject is so last week." Yikes! It's a full time job keeping up with this board and I let my eye drift off the ball. Sorry guys. I disagree with those who say that asexuality does not exist because homosexuality certainly exists so I'm sure it's possible that a middle state also exists. Even if it were only 1% (and not 3% as claimed in the paper) that makes 3,000,000 people in the combined US, UK and Finland populations. There's a fair chance that one or more of us have caught one. When I look right back, my W has never shown any real desire for me or anyone else. For instance she has never once touched me in an intimate way and if I suggest it she is genuinely disgusted. In a discussion about how much better women are than men one justification she gave is that women can think of more than one thing at the same time but men can't. I told her it's not true and that I have three threads running in my head at all times. The thing I'm doing, a music track and sex. At no time is any one of them missing. She was incredulous that anyone could have sex on their mind. She said the only time she thought about it was when she was fending me off! No, I'm sure she is asexual. That's not to say she won't do it because she does once a week but she has no intention of allowing it to increase. In fact a once a week schedule is fine for her because it can be thought of as just part of the routine with no more significance than the weekly food shopping. The reason for her flicker of a smile when passing me the article is possibly because she felt she had "come out". SD
