Healing from the inside out

[psluke]

What I think is rather an eye opening realization for me happened this morning in the grocery!

They were of course playing Christmas music and the song was I believe titled, 'Santa bring my baby back to me', Elvis was singing and it hit me, the person that D is now, I really wouldn't want back!

I miss the person I married a lot. Sometimes I wonder if I saw him as I wanted him to be and he was really the person he is now the whole time. I'm not sure of my answer there, I hope not, but it is a possibility. When you are in love you see what you want to see don't you?

The mess of lost friends and even the loss of D's friendship still hurts and seems like a bad dream, but maybe my two marriages were preparing me to become a whole person who could spend the rest of her life alone and I wasn't meant to be married for my whole life. I know, life is choices, but it was something I was wondering about today.

I can see the progression. It is like looking back at a winding, hilly path full of zigs and zags and yet it continues onwards and upwards. I feel much more complete and whole a lot of times now.

It would still be nice to have the companionship, sharing and ML but not all the stuff that I dealt with interacting with D here in the past 3 years.

I hope this feeling stays with me, it is at least a nice calm feeling.

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I had a very nice day.

M and I went to the Hubers farm and did the buffet for lunch, then walked the shelties and put my new bookcase together and sat it up in my office!

What could have been a sad day only had a few ghosts to deal with, I thanked M and she agreed it could have been a sad day for us both and it wasn't, we enjoyed it.