To all, Thanks so much for taking the time to write back some really helpful insight. I will take what you have said and read and re-read to glean it all. And I will look into getting those books you recommended. I want things to work in my M. I love my H and my children. I don't want to be hurting them. It kills me inside to know that I have betrayed them. But I do want things to be better in our R. Thanks for letting me know that I don't have to accept things the way they are, and that they can change. The 1st A ended because I moved to a different state. When I moved it had been going on for at least 3 yrs. If the sit. was right, I would have left to be with the OM. After I moved I made the decision to really guard myself, and did for 4 yrs. But then just @ 5 mo. ago I began to let my mind wonder to "what if" with another man. Right now the OM and I have both agreed that getting out of this is the best, and we are well on our way. But I'm still scared that it will happen again, until eventually I will get caught and destroy my husband and family. I know that I can live without actually being in an A. What scares me most is that I may never be able to come to the place that just fantisizing about my H will be enough. I want our R to be close enough that that is where my mind automatically goes...to him, and not others. I'm sure that reading what you have suggested will be a good start. I'll be back to talk some more after I get things going in that direction.
