first off don't be turned off by the fact that most folks here are the lbs or the "victim", it matters not what position you are in. Some may come and quiz your or subject their values on you, don't let them chase you away...there are a lot of folks here who will do their best to understand and empathize with your position and offer insightful ways to help you progress.
Quote: I am trying to get out of the 2nd affair right now. But it's not as easy as some may think.
anyone who would think it easy is blind.
Quote: Emotional ties form and you start to depend upon this person for your happiness, and a break from the hum-drum of every day reality
there's a key for you. depending on another (even your spouse) for your happiness is an unhealthy way to live. As a sahm (stay at home mom) with a h who works way too much I certainly understand the "hum drum of every day reality" as you noted there are other ways in which people add spice to their life (though the ones you listed are other unhealthy, unproductive means)...can you think of some ways to add zest to your life that would be more productive for you?
some ideas of things that I've done...
started a book club that meets monthly joined a monthly couples dinner club (no they're not swingers just a new town trying to make new friends) started a moms night out club joined the local ambulance company as a volunteer emt (they even payed for my training)
these of course wont replace the feeling of being desired BUT it is important to realize where that need comes from and work on that.
having said all that...if you haven't yet read divorce remedy I suggest you get yourself a copy and start reading. some other good reading that you will hear alot about around here is a book called "the five love languages" I believe that ones by chapman. and of course Michelles "the sex starved marraige" may be helpful even if there are no sex issues involved.
