I just realized that I'm not crying anymore. In a way that's kinda sad, isn't it? I'm afraid it means that I don't care enough to cry anymore. H cries. Especially when he sees the kids and he's getting ready to leave for the night. He's still telling them that he has to go to work, but that can't fly forever.

I think it was Koshka that said he was crying on Valentine's day. I didn't. I didn't expect anything. Didn't have anything to compare it to because we're into our 2nd year now and 2nd Valentine's day. I think I have been through all the feelings and now I'm into acceptance. He's not there yet. He's still trying to figure out how to have both of us, or it seems that way to me anyway. He'll lunch with me and dine with me during the week and disappear off to her on the weekends.

I'm not sure what to do here. Do I ignore the A and OW? Do I go dark? Should I turn down lunch invites and stop extending invitations to him? What would happen now if I told him not to call unless it was to talk to the kids or about the kids? Or, do I continue being nice and kind and offering my shoulder to cry on about how tough it is at work and other problems he's having?

I can't even imagine what it would take for me to stop answering his calls and declining invitations. To stop obsessing about whereabouts and activities. I just don't know what I should be doing now. Is it too late? I'm not crying anymore, maybe I'm just beyond caring and it's time to throw in the towel.

I'm just repeating myself now. See, obsessing.

Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.