I understand your dilemma. On one side you are still hoping that your M can be recovered. On the other side it is hard when your H still not willing to let go the ow. Only you know what is the best for you.
I still regret that my M can not be saved. But I feel relieved now that I don't need to suffer when my W went somewhere without telling where she went or what she was doing. WIth the om in the picture, I felt cheated and it was unbearable. Now I live my life. DOn't care about what my W is doing. Soon we will be D and I am looking forward to a new happy life in the future. I still feel blessed that I have so wonderful kids. They fill my time and still make me happy. I don't hate my W anymore. Last Sat we did taichi together. I can see her face to face without emotion. Time will heal any wound. I think I am about ready to plan my own future without my soon to be ex W.
You need to tell your kids about what is happening. They may be shocked. But soon or later they will know. They will know when they are old enough who is right and who is wrong.
