H called last night as I was headed out the door so I just let S15 answer the phone and talk to this dad for awhile. Later in the evening H called back to talk to me. (note to self....H rarely goes more than a day without initiating some contact with me.) The phone conversation was very light-hearted and pleasant. H had called his sister and I guess H and I are meeting up with her and her H for dinner tonight. They live an hour away and it will be just H and I in the car.....it could me interesting.
H is also planning on coming over today to change the oil in my car and check out S15's car.....both of which are H's ideas. When I asked what time, H said around lunch......I did take the bait and invite him for lunch.
All I can see is that whatever I am doing is NOT working, I think.
I want to keep up the friendship part and good-will because I have not quite heard the death bell on this M yet. But at the same time it is so hard to go forward with the D process while still maintaining a positive R with H.
I know that for me total darkness is what I need to harden my heart against this pain, but I don't seem to be able to do that yet.
