Raindeer, you have been put through the emotional wringer.....and my heart goes out to you. Mel is right, it is a loss, but you are coming out the other side and into a brighter, happier future!
For me, on the other hand, just about now life sucks!!!
I invited H over for supper tonight, he came, enjoyed it and stayed for awhile afterwards just talking about the kids and work.
After he left, I went to the Post Office where I have a box for mail from L. And there was a letter stating that we have a hearing on Valentines Day to dispute a counter claim H is filing. Apparently now the charges are extreme cruelty....whatever that means.
I called H and met him in a parking lot where we talked for a couple of hours. It is funny that now that H and I have been getting along much better, that he has backed off so many of the things he was previously willing to give me in a D. I just have a feeling this is going to get ugly.
H started in about us being broke and why not just keep the L out of it, and why don't I just take what H is willing to give me. I told H that if we were that broke we didn't have to get a D and pay for 2 households. H just said "we ARE getting a D". Then I told him if we were so broke why does he seem to have money to spend on ow. H just started in that he didn't buy her anything, or pay for anything for her.....when he said that I just turned to him and told him to stop lieing. When I said that H shut up from shock and just stared at me. I told him I hate the lies...to which he didn't have much to say.
I did point out to H that everyone would blame ow for our D, just like everyone in ow's family will blame H for that break-up if it occurs. That is sure not a place I would want to me.
I also asked H to tell my why we are getting a D. He listed 3 main things which I ended up listing back to him since I couldn't believe his reasoning.
#1. He doesn't like talking about money with me. (And that's a reason for a D)????
#2. He no longer is emotionally attracted to me. (After almost 5 years of an ongoing A is that any wonder???)
#3. Not enough sex, and he listed the years that that was a problem. (I couldn't help it, but I also asked him if he remembered those were the exact years I went through several exploratory surgeries to see why I was in continual excruciating pain.....and at one point during that time the doctors actually told me they thought I was dieing). H's response was "well, couldn't you have satisfied me some other way"? (I almost whacked him on that one!!) So now, I am to blame for wasting his most prime, physically fit years of enjoying sex. Of course, what H remembers and what I remember are not same.
I feel like I am at a point of no-return. I am wondering if the secrecy of the A is what is keeping ow in the picture, but I plan on letting that secret out.
When I left H I told him I was going home to make a phone call. H asked to whom, but I just ignored him. When I got home I called ow's H. Unfortunately, a female answered. When I asked to speak to (name) she said she was his wife. Now, I don't know if that was ow or not...but she said that her H would not fly in until Sunday...so I said I would call back then.
So now I am asking, why do I want to stay M???? I am still working on that one.
