Mel, I guess I had never thought about H telling ow the many things he does for/with me. Do you suppose she knows H was home for 3 weeks over Christmas and that we went away together for 2 weekends last month, and will be going away together for 2 more weekends in just a couple weeks???
Raindeer, for so long I felt it was a baby step if H did something nice for me. But, after awhile when those "baby steps" were not making any forward progress I realized that all his "acts of service" were done out of guilt for the pain and suffering he had put me through. (At least I know he still has some form of a conscience. ) (And, yes, I do think deep down at some level that H stills cares for me very much.) AND, H wants me to stay in this house until S15 graduates. I have pointed out to H some major reasons why I should not stay. So, I think H is trying to fix some of the material things around the house so I will me more willing to stay here.
H continues to confuse the crap of me. Doing things around the house is one thing, but why the calls??? H called again tonight. S15 and I both answered the phone at the same time and once I realzied son had picked up I just let son talk to H. H talked to son a couple of minutes then asked to speak to me....we must have talked for a half hour or so. Come to find out that H was calling to see what my plans were for my birthday tomorrow, when the kids were getting together, when I was opening gifts, etc. (This from the same guy who last year caused me to not even open my gifts from the kids until the day after my birthday). Anyhow, I told him I had NO plans whatsoever. I then asked if he was making sure S15 had something for me because if not, I would take him out to get me something. H said that he had already spoked to son several times and things were handled there. H asked if around 3 tomorrow sounded OK to open gifts and I told him OK. What I did NOT tell him, or even hint at, was for him to come over.
Once again I ask, if there is all this consideration from H and all this kindness from him, WHY a Divorce????? At times I think this D would be easier if H went back to being a jerk and just disappeared.....but this way I can continue to DB and have hope....I just pray that it isn't false hope....
I am so proud of myself today!!!! I have always been very shy and although I can talk in front of hundreds of students or Boy/Girl Scouts, I have never spoken in front of my peers. One of my personal goals has been to work on overcoming this shyness, so I took the plunge and signed up to teach other teachers at a math/science conference...and I gave my presentation today. I felt it went very well, (lightning didn't strike me down), I had over double the participants I was expecting, and I had many positive commets for feedback. I am sooooo proud of myself for venturing a step forward and not only surviving it, but enjoying it.
) (And, yes, I do think deep down at some level that H stills cares for me very much.) AND, H wants me to stay in this house until S15 graduates. I have pointed out to H some major reasons why I should not stay. So, I think H is trying to fix some of the material things around the house so I will me more willing to stay here.
