I really have never figured out what H gets from ow that he does not get from me. They have met twice in the last 3 years but do talk on the phone for hours a week. When I found out in Nov. that H was once again calling ow I asked him to quit the phone calls until the Holidays were over and H just shook his head "no". That is the last I have brought up ow.
The kids really should be told, but I keep thinking that as long as they don't know there really is still hope. However, I did think H was planning on telling them over the Holidays when all 4 of the kids were home...but it didn't happen. In our last R talk a couple of months ago I did tell H that I pitied him when the kids found out. Their respect for him will be in the toliet. He will no longer be viewed as this wonderful Marine who is honest and trustworthy. In fact, D22 said awhile ago that if the problems H and I were having were because H was having an A, then should would HATE him for hurting her mom.
I am assumming that H continues to talk to ow since he hasn't mentioned otherewise. Besides, when I see H I can usually pretty much tell if there has been contact because H is no longer very good at hiding his guilt. I have finally figured out that all those months/years of H being angry/rude to me was the guilt of his A showing its colors.
H and I exchanged several phone calls and emails today....it is not unusual for a week to go by with out even one call or email. I even ended up making homemade chicken noodle soup for a sick S15 and informing H that we were eating at 6:30, and that he was welcome to join us, but it was OK if he was busy. H said he would see. I did notice that at 6:25 H called to let me know that he was just leaving the office and would be there as soon as possible. I did tell him I was running late myself and there was no need to hurry. We had a nice supper, very relaxed and friendly.
When H was getting ready to leave I asked him if at some point in the future he could show me how to put new cords on a couple of lamps because the bunnies have chewed holes in some. H said he would come over some day and WE could take the lamps apart to see what WE needed and then get the stuff.
If H was trying to stay away from me and keep his distance this whole D would be so much easier. Instead, he sticks around and we talk and share and I still get those glances and looks that are private and special between couples. Where does a D fit into this picture????? I do so much better at detaching when I use anger as my backbone, but H being nice and bending over backwards for me makes my backbone nothing but mush.
