Mellanie, I don't know what to think when our H's start to throw in the "we" business. Just the other night H was talking about building a greenhouse in the corner of the deck so we could have a longer season of growing tomatoes. This from a guy I have not seen or heard from since he left Sunday night. H apparently left his car at the house today and picked up the pick-up for some errands. He switched vehicles tonight but did not bother coming into the house. Now, I don't know for sure if he tried to get in the house or not....
Shortly after I got home from work a cop was knocking at my door. The house right across the alley was broken into this morning while the occupant was sleeping in her bed. It sounded like the guy had come into my yard so the cop was warning me to be careful. Now, this is from someone who never locks her doors. Needless to say, the doors were locked tonight.....and H does not have a key nor does he know where the spare set is. Oh well....H's loss. Hopefully he has everything out of the house that he wants for awhile.
However, it did hurt that he didn't at least knock while he was here. We do have to talk sometime since H, S15 and I are going away together this coming weekend. It should be interesting.
I have a questin for anyone willing to help me out....
ow is/was married and lives in Georgia. H won't say, but my guess is that she is/has filed for D, but I don't know. The last info I had (2 years ago) was that her H knew nothing about his w having an A.
Where I live, adultery is grounds for D and is also is factored into alimony. If it is that way in Georgia, and ow is in the process of a D, then I want to give ow's H ammunition to fight with. On the other hand, if adultery has no bearing on D in Georgia, then I want no contact with either ow or her H.
Georgia is about 2000 miles from here so there is no way I am going to the court house to see if a D is pending or has been granted. And, I don't plan on calling ow's H and asking him if he knows about his w's A. Any suggestions????
Does your H speak to any mutual friends about OW and the situation? Could you nonchalantly ask them if OW is getting divorced?
I was watching some show on TV, they were discussing Ellen Degeneres and her new girlfriend and the fact that the previous gf was suing Portia DeRossi for, what was it, Alienation of Affection. Meaning that the new GF is being sued by the old GF for stealing her mate. Some old law on the books, not used very often. Can you imagine sueing OW for stealing your hubby? Sounds like fun, if you had money for that sort of thing. That would get ow's husband's attention. Not very practical I suppose.
A PI could check the courthouse records. They wouldn't have been published in the local newspaper would they? That might be online somewhere.
Hey, just look up on the web for a listing for a family lawyer in Georgia. Call and ask if Adultery has any bearing on Divorce in their state. That would be easy enough.
Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.
Wishing, I don't have any advice on how you want to handle OW and her H, but I will say be very careful from here on out. In my state, and in many others, once you file for D on adultry grounds, I can almost assure you if H contests it, his lawyer will ask if the two of you have had relations since your knowledge of the affair and filing for D. I don't know if your state has such laws, but check with your counsel...in Louisiana, that makes a big difference in the outcome. A judge will consider that to be some sort of reconcilation and throw the adultry suit out...hence, you will have to start all over again. I personally know of one instance of this happening and I work with an attorney that handles divorce law. So just be careful how you handle this whole thing...very touchy indeed. Good luck.
It is completly allright if you are still hoping that there is a miracle to save your M. It can happen.
As you said, my prayer now is also asking God to grant me peace. I am not praying for my M to be saved anymore. My soon to be ex W made the decision to leave everything behind and start a new life with the om. Nothing I can do about it. However hurt I am, I have to let go and move on with my life.
I've learned so much here. What if I, in good faith, meaning I believed him when he told me the A was over, what if I ML with my H, then later found out that he was still seeing her? Does it come down to who he had sex with last? I suppose that's why they have judges, eh?
Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.
Lettie, Thanks for the words of advice since I hadn't thought of things from that angle. When I signed the adultery charges my L knew we were going away for the weekend together and didn't give me any words of warning. I guess I had better call him before we leave this weekend.
Mellanie, H has not talked to anyone about his A so there is no one for me to ask whether she is D or not. I just don't want ow's H to get screwed if I can help it. As to the Alienation of Affection, there was actually a lawsuit in my state not very long ago. The LBS won but I think she was only awarded $1. What a slap in the face!! I have already searched the internet for info on D in Georgia but have not gotten very far. If all else fails I can always pay for a background search.....
Raindeer, thanks for your continued support!
On another note, H broke a 3 day silence tonight and called when he knew S15 would be at swim practice. I almost didn't answer the phone, but was glad I did since we had a pleasant conversation. H called to tell me that he has already booked motel rooms for 3 weekends this coming month so we can attend S15's swim meets. (Now, this is from a guy who is usually booking rooms the day we need them.) Now, since I like planning in advance and had already booked rooms, I will cancel my reservations and let H pay.
I told H about the cop coming over last night and that I am now locking the doors at all times. H said that he didn't have a key to the house and would like one. I did not commit to giving him a key, and right now I don't feel obligated to giving him one. Later in the conversation H said that he was calling it quits at work since it was 9 pm and he hadn't had supper yet. I sympathized with him on being hungry and said that I had fixed homemade beef stew for S15 and myself and had that as well as a bunch of other leftovers in the fridge. I told him that I missed him coming home for lunch since that was when the leftovers would get eaten up. H mentioned he would love to come for lunches but hadn't been since he didn't want to be eating my food in case I had plans for it. We talked a little longer and he mentioned again about coming for lunches but then threw in the fact that he couldn't since he did't have a key to the house....I just laughed and changed the subject.
I am really struggling with deciding what I want. I KNOW I want my M, but I also know that I will not tolerate an ow. So, I continue to DB with the hopes that H will cease communication with ow (right now it is strictly phone calls) and come home someday, while at the same time going forward with the D. So, for the time being, I am still as much of a wife and friend as H will allow. There are just some things I know with certainty and one of those is that if the D is ever finalized I will no longer be a friend to H and that is one thing that H just does not understand. But then again, there are many things that I don't understand either....
Mellanie, this is only when a D has been filed on adultry charges. In my state, if you continue to have sexual relations with your H after you have filed on these charges and it is brought up in court (which I am sure it always is, given the charges) that is considered some sort of "reconcilation" and the charges are disgarded. I don't know of other states, but I would think that is pretty consistent in the US. I would definitely discuss this with my lawyer...going to court about this is not going to easy, so just have your ducks in a row. They will ask you if you are continuing sexual relations with your H, even in light of an affair going on with your knowledge. My lawyer would tell me this..."If you want to file adultry charges, don't sleep with him." So just be careful what you do and talk with your attorney.
Only you can decide what you want. It is your life. You must choose whatever to suit your heart.
In my case my W made the decision. It is easier for me. I have done all I could to save my M. But her heart has no place for me. So it is easier for me to let go. I have no more regret to my kids. I have a clear conscience.
It is not that bad to live alone. At least my kids are with me for the next few years. I would be lonely. Just busy doing mum and dad roles at the same time. I am happy to be able to be a good parent to my kids. I am sure with time, I will find a new partner again.
I have already searched the internet for info on D in Georgia but have not gotten very far. If all else fails I can always pay for a background search.....