I guess my reprieve from continuing with this D is over, and things are in motion again. When H came home from a meeting tonight and parked on the street instead of his spot in the driveway, I knew he was moving out again. It is not a surprise, and I was expecting it since the last of our girls left for college today, it is still painful.
H came into the house very concerned about what I had done with a bunch of money out of our checking account. H just couldn't understand where several thousand dollars had gone, until I told him I had given the L his retainer. But, I also let H know that I had no money left to pay bills.
Come to find out H had put a bunch in our checking account, so at least he is still considerate of our financial needs.
H and I each had a drink while I was paying bills and H was by me working on some other paperwork. If it wasn't for the fact that I knew he was leaving, it would have been an enjoyable evening.
It was very tempting to tell H that I would like him to stay, or that he was more than welcome to stay, but I just needed to let him go. This is his journey and I cannot control it no matter how much I would like to do so.
Does all of this become easier once others know? Our kids don't even know about the impending D, nor anyone else. And, I sign papers tomorrow for adultery charges, yet we are still planning on going away this weekend to good friends of ours so S15 can attend a swim meet there. Somehow a D and going away for a weekend just don't seem to go together in my mind.
I am sure going to miss someone to snuggle up with at night.
