Trish...I I think this is the most confused I have been in 3 years so any advice is most welcomed.
Mel...I am beginning to think that both of your scenarios are playing out with H. I think he is having a very hard time just letting go and just can't quite give the life we had together totally up. From past conversations with H, I am also sure that he now feels the pressure is off of him and he can now do things for me because he WANTS to, not because it is expected of him.
I just cannot quite believe that the sex was for the thrill of it since we went 10 months with nothing (but then, I have been wrong before). On the other hand, it could have been out of caring and knowing it was something I wanted. Who knows....I just know I was OK with it.
Lettie....I do value your opinions since you cut right the chase:
Quote: I think you have decided to do what you need to, and that is have H in you life, even though he is seeing ow.
Until the D is final, I guess you are right. Is it OK that H talks to ow, h&ll no!!!!! But, there is nothing I can do about that. What I do know is that since I discovered H was talking to ow last month and we have had a couple of R talks, that things have improved so much between us. Is that because H is no longer hiding his secret....I think so. But this is also a time when I feel I can just be me with no more walking on eggshells. (And that is a wonderful feeling).
Right now, with the kids all coming home I could make H's life so unbelievably miserable, and believe me, I have thought about it. But, what would I gain???
I am trying to walk a fine line between 1) having H on the outside looking in at what he is missing and 2)creating a warm, welcoming atmosphere that is usually in my home. I don't know if that makes sense or not.....
As far as the D, I have signed the papers that H gave me and the adultery papers I will sign right after the first of the year. There has never been a question that that is what I would do. As far as H doing this forever, it is not going to happen. L figures we will settle around June so there is definitely an end in sight.
And even if H would decide he wanted to give up ow and come home, it would not be that simple; H is aware of my conditions. So yes, I am trying to protect myself for the future, but am not sure if I really am do so.
H called around 7 to tell me he had just gotten a major project finished and mailed off. (Part of my confusion is H talking about his business with me since he has not done so for a couple of years). We talked a little about Christmas gifts then H asked about D18. I told him I would give the phone to her but H didn't want to talk to her. He did want to come over and get his garage door opener out of his car that he is lending to D18 this week...so he asked if it was OK for him to come over. I said sure.
H came over and brought some of the gifts he had gotten today....he was almost like a kid in a candy store....just thrilled with what he had found. H hadn't had supper yet so I told him there was frozen barbecue in the freezer which he heated up along with some other stuff. While he was eating I was busy cooking lunch for several of son's friends tomorrow since a bunch are coming over between taking finals. It was a pleasant hour. H even unloaded the dishwasher for me.
It is too bad ow is still in the picture, if not, I would really believe that H was coming out of his MLC...but no such luck,
