An outsider looking in would not have a clue my M is on the rocks......things seem so normal that at times even I have a hard time believing there is anything wrong.
H picked us up for church this morning where we sat next to one another as usual. There was no flinching away when our hands/arms would touch during the service...we even stayed for the social time afterwards.
We came home and S15 made us all omlettes for breakfast, we read the paper, H fixed the phone while I made frosting and son and I decorated cookies. As I was finishing cleaning up the kitchen I asked H if he had a few minutes so we could go over Christmas/Santa lists so we could figure out what we had left to get. About that time I mentioned I really had a headache and H said that he did also but he thought laying down would help us both. We did spend time on the Christmas lists.....and H even volunteered to get some of the stuff (now there is a first!). There was one store we both needed to go to to pick something out and, since we were finished with our lists, I suggested we go right away.
H was quick to suggest that maybe I would like a nap before going. A nap did sound good so I headed upstairs just assuming H would nap on the couch like he always does. I had only taken a couple steps on the stairs when H asked if I was napping upstairs and if I was sharing the bed. I told him I would......
This is the part where I am so confused. There was no physical contact between us for 10 months, but now that H has filed for D he is so tender and gentle. Where did this guy come from?? And, what do I do???
Later we did our shopping together, H even filled my car with gas and paid for it, we went home and I fixed supper for all of us, packed him a container of cookies, then H went back to his office then to his place.
H seems to be asking to come back into our lives, and so far I have accomodated his asking. I do think that is the right thing to do....at least until the holidays are over.
I am not getting any hopes up though. H continues to do/say things that mean he is pursuing the D. Even little things like putting his coat where company coats go rather than on the coat tree, saying he should clear a garage stall so son can park his car there (which would involve moving the boat and H's '67 Mustang out to H's place) and more hints like that.
Even with a D in process I think that for now I will continue to DB......but that doesn't mean being a doormat ever again!!!
