Lettie, I appreciate your honesty on what you see in my sitch. I am just so torn. On one hand I have accepted that H wants a D...and I am working towards the best settlement I can possibly get. It takes a lot of backbone on my part to even stand up to H, let alone fight for what I feel is fair.
On the other hand, H knows what it would take to stay in the M. While I highly doubt he would ever reconsider our M, I don't want to completely rule it out. I guess I am the fence sitter now.....I have accepted that a D is in progress, while at the same time hoping it can be stopped.
I don't know if it make any difference that ow is 2000 miles away.....yes, there is an emotional tie there, but, if I can believe H, there has been no physical contact for a couple of years. However, I think an continued EA is about a death sentence to my M.
H called about supper time to tell me that he had been to my house today to drop off some mail. Son was home unexpectedly for supper, so I invited H over also. H said he would like that, or we could go out to eat. Homemade pizza is standard fare at my house on Fri. nights so I told him I would just as soon eat at home....he said that was fine and he would be here.
We had a pleasant supper, H helped with dishes, then asked if I was going to clean the bunny cage.....he said he would move all the furniture if I was....so I got that chore out of the road. H ended up staying til about 10:30. I got the feeling that he was waiting for me to ask him to spend the night, but I didn't want to go there.
Maybe once the Holidays are over things will be clearer to me.
D18 gets home from Notre Dame tomorrow night, D22 will be home from her college on Monday and D24 and her fiance arrive on Wed. It will be so nice to have all the kids home, even if only for a couple of days.
I am just so torn as to what to do/not do. I want to continue to show love and compassion, yet stand up for myself and demand the respect that I deserve. And at this point, I still do not want to do/say anything that cannot be undone or taken back if H would happen to "wake up".
