Wishing, my opinion is that the other night when he spent the night with you will only do all of you more harm than good. Please, do not be offended by my saying that...we all need at times to be close to someone and to feel like we are wanted sexually and intimately. Your H is doing one of the hardest things he will ever do...trying to keep two women happy. One one hand, he has OW, and he has chosen to not stop seeing her. On the other, he has you, his W of over 20 years, and feels the pull of that, and you do give in to it. The reason one night of intimacy can do so much harm is because it can set you back emotionally...and he goes back to what he has been doing and what has worked for him so far. I think that you are a most understanding and compassionate person...and I for one think you deserve better, mostly because he only sees the harm in your finding about the whole thing. That being said, the only thing left for you to do is to let him live with HIS decisions and feel the consequences. Wishing, he might sound sad, but realistically, he does not have to give up his M or you! He knows that...and like most WA's he doesn't want to give up his security, but wants the love of another woman. I think he knows his time is almost up...and he can't have it both ways. IMO, that is why he is sad and confused. How much you are willing to endure is up to you...but you have filed now with adultry charges...so I would be very careful about letting him spend the night again. In some states, if you file on adultry with one spouse knowing about an active, on-going affair and you are still sleeping with your spouse, it has an affect on how it all comes out. So be careful once papers are served. Like Raindeer, I will pray you find peace with your sitch also.
