H came downstairs Fri. morning before I left for work and was even the first to say "good morning", and opened the doors for me on my way out.
But, then I didn't hear from him again unitl he showed up here Sat. morning to pick son and I up to go to the city where he had a meeting and son and I were going shopping. Had a nice day with both son and H. I work in the city and will stay overnight there with a friend when the weather gets bad. It is a huge,crappy, open basement that I will stay in so I put curtains up around my little private space. Son helped me while H was at his meeting, but we couldn't get the trundle bed to stay up so, when I picked H up after his meeting, he said he would help me. This is what I have never understood....H not only fixes the bed, but then hangs a light for me, puts up the mirror, tacks up all the extension cords, get the dehumidifier running....... Whether it was done throught caring or guilt, it was still nice. We all did a little shopping after that, then H suggested we go to my favorite restaurant for supper. It was just nice.
H asked about my car needing an oil change, which it did, so H did that when we got home. Then we spent a couple enjoyable hours on the computer finding and ordering gifts for the kids. We then had a drink and watched tv. About 11, I sensed H was getting ready to back to his place, so I went over by him to say good bye.
At that point H said he had been to the L yesterday and had the paperwork ready for me to sign and wanted to know if I wanted to do it then or wait until after Christmas. I told him I wanted to get it going now, so he went to the car and brought it it. I looked it over and told him I would get it to my L as soon as possible and his L would receive a counter suit on the basis of adultery.
We talked R talk. H insists that this D is between him and I, and does not understand why I am dragging the adultery into in. Basically, I do not believe in the irreconcilable differences crap and don't plan on signing a lie. I told him that he brought a third person into our M, so it would be three of us getting the D.
I went on to say that I am done being the one who has felt humiliated over his A. He was the one who had the A, not me. I told him that I actually pitied him. When D22 gave her graduation speech a couple years ago in front of several thousand people, she told everyone that she respected her father becausehe was the most honest person that she knew; that he would not even take a paperclip from the office because that was wrong. I reminded him of that, and also the loathing I heard in her voice last week when she was trying to think of reasons I would ask H to move out. She simple said that if her dad had cheated on her mom then she HATED him. I told H that and also that he had better start coming up with what he is going to tell the kids. I am not doing his dirty work for him, nor am I going to let him off the hook with what he has done.
Several times H would get ready to leave and then something else would come up. Finally, I put my hand in the middle of his back and kind of ushered him to the door. H just kept looking at me like "what the hell are you doing?" H stopped at the door, turned around and I told him I had one more thing to tell him. That if he would remember back almost 3 years ago to when he first told me "I'm not in love with you", I told him that I could finally say those same words to him. That I had always loved him so incredibly deeply, but he had killed effectively killed that love.
I said that he was winning on all counts, and I was losing. That he and the kids had been my life for 26 years and I was losing that, I was losing my H, that he has now trapped me in this town for 4 more years, that I revert to a lowere income status, and he wins on all counts......he gets the D, he has someone waiting for him (he did not deny she is now divorced and getting ready to move here),he wants to live in this town, his income is rising dramatically.
At some point when talking about the A, H said that 5 years ago he was not happy, that he saw his only options as D or suicide. Since his upbring would not allow D, and he really didn't want suicide, that he turned to an A. At that point I told H that I had long ago forgiven him for that A, and that I even actually understood a little about why it happened. But, that in NO WAY condones his resuming it. H didn't have an answer why it started back up again. I said that this would be a lot easier for me if there had not been an A and if I had someone I could call to just hold me with love.
That's when things went downhill. H just did not want to leave. I tried to encourage him out the door several times, but he just didn't budge. H then asked if we went upstairs and had sex if that would help. (Now remember, we have not had sex since last Feb.) I told him that I had never had just sex, it was always making love on my part. A little later H said that if it would make me feel better that he would spend the night with me. Like an idiot I said OK because I just wanted someone to hold me.
I even wore my long-sleeved pj's with pants because holding was really all I wanted. It took H a very long to come to bed, and I figured out later that he was shaving. Anyhow, he climbed into bed, turned to me and asked me what I wanted him to hold. I just took his arms and put them aroung me and snuggled like spoons. Of course I should have known it wouldn't stop at that. But I did find out that even just "sex" can be fun also.
We only got a couple of hours sleep til H had to leave for the airport. I got up when he did, joked that at least he didn't have to shave this morning and made him some coffee. H came out of the bathroom and said we had a problem. I didn't have a clue what he was talking about until he pointed out that he is really bruised all under his bottom lip. I just laughed....and offered H some makeup to try to hide it. We were both laughing. I just told him to tell anyone that asks that he and I collided and we started laughing all over again. H then left but did give me a hug on his way out. As he was about out the door it occurred to H that he had started the car at 11 last night when he was first going to leave, and hadn't shut it off. What a way to end things!!
